Akin
by Foreword
Summary: Olivia Benson's worst nightmare has come true. Her daughter is critically ill and getting her the treatment she needs to survive requires revealing truths that were never meant to become public.  NOTE: This is NOT an E/O ROMANCE.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This story is the third in a series that began with __**Kindred**__ and __**Grenade**__ and takes place about a year after the end of __**Grenade**__. I am not a doctor (and don't play one on TV!) but I tried to make the medical aspects of this story as factual and realistic as possible. _

**Akin**

**Akin: adjective. Of one kin; related through a common ancestor; having similar qualities; similar. **

**Chapter One: Unknown**

Kathy hung up the phone and turned to Elliot, a furrow of worry between her eyes. He glanced up from the newspaper he was reading. Still dressed in his work clothes, tie loosened and shirt unbuttoned, he was keeping her company at the kitchen table while she put the finishing touches on dinner. She loved having him home at a decent hour, which happened most days in his position as Special Investigator for the Office of Veteran's Affairs. When she thought back to his years at NYPD and SVU, she wondered how their family and marriage had ever survived those hours. Things were so much better now.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned at her expression. "What did Liv have to say?"

Kathy sat down heavily in the seat across from him. "She just got back from taking August to the doctor."

"And?" He waited expectantly. August had been sick for a few weeks with vague symptoms that her pediatrician had been monitoring. The normally vibrant and active two-year old had become listless, pale, and easily short of breath. At first the pediatrician had attributed it to a particularly aggressive upper respiratory infection that had been making the round in pre-schoolers, but over the weekend, Olivia had mentioned that she was taking her back for a follow-up because she still didn't seem herself.

"The blood work that the doctor did last week as a precaution came back with some red flags."

"What kind of red flags?" Elliot asked, putting the paper down. He picked up his beer and took a long sip, his eyes on his wife as he drank. "Like that she has pneumonia or mono or something?"

"Something more serious, El. They want to do a lumbar puncture tomorrow to rule out Aplastic Anemia." Kathy's eyes filled with tears and Elliot's widened in alarm. They were both remembering the scare with Kathleen as an infant, when they'd thought she had meningitis and had to have the same test done. It had been horrific, as parents, to stand by and watch their child being subjected to a painful procedure without being able to take away her pain or explain what was happening.

"Holy shit," said Elliot, getting up from his chair and coming around the table. Kathy stood and they held each other for a minute, each lost in thought. "I thought she just had a bad cold. Isn't Aplastic Anemia a form of…cancer?"

Kathy nodded, wiping at her eyes. "Not exactly cancer, but it's similar. The bone marrow can't produce the right amount of blood cells. I told Liv I'd go with them tomorrow to the hospital for the test."

Elliot nodded, his eyes distant as he thought about the implications. Even though he had fathered August with Olivia, he had long ago relinquished any claim to her. Olivia and her husband Declan were amazing parents. As an only child, August had their total and undivided attention and wanted for nothing. Elliot sometimes wished he and Kathy could provide the same level of care for their brood of five. As much he had reconciled himself to the situation, however, August still had a special place in his heart and it hurt to think of her as seriously ill.

"How's Olivia doing?" he asked Kathy, wiping a tear from her cheek with his thumb.

"She's scared to death, of course." Kathy told him. "The doctor told her not to worry too much until all of the tests were in, but of course she's worried. And she doesn't know how to break the news to Dec. He's out of town at a conference until late tonight."

"Of course," Elliot murmured, holding her close again. What parent doesn't worry when a doctor says "We'll wait and see what the tests say."? It was human nature to prepare for the worst, if only to have that sublime sense of relief when one's worst fears aren't proved true.

The back screen door banged open and closed again. "Mom, can I go over to…." Eli burst through the door, followed by two other boys his age. At six, he was tall for his age and wiry, with his father's dark hair and blue eyes. "…to Jason's house? His mom is making cookies. "

Kathy and Elliot broke apart, Kathy pasting a quick smile on her face. "Sure, just don't eat too many. We're eating dinner as soon as the twins get home."

"Okay," he agreed cheerfully and as he headed back out the door, friends in tow, he called over his shoulder in after thought: "Hi Daddy!"

Elliot shook his head and smiled. Eli was by far the most outgoing of the Stabler children. As the baby of the family, born when his siblings were so much older, he'd had undivided attention and thrived on it. He was always in the center of activities in his first grade classroom, and ruled the neighborhood children in his age group. The family consensus was that he'd grow up be a politician or an actor, or as is often the case, both at once. His mind flashed back to the day when Eli had been born, when he and Kathy could have easily died if not for Olivia's help and as he had dozens of time over the years, was thankful that they were both okay.

"Do you think one of us should be with Liv?" he asked Kathy when the kitchen was quiet again, the sound of eager boy voices fading in the distance as they headed next door to the McCarthy's kitchen.

"I offered," Kathy told him, "but she said no, she just wanted to spend some time with August. She'll call if she needs anything." She looked up at him, her blue eyes dark with concern. "I feel so helpless, El, I wish there was something we could do."

"Me too." Elliot picked his beer up from the table and stood looking out the kitchen window as he drank. It was too terrible to contemplate that August might be seriously ill. After so many years of being alone, Olivia was finally happy with a family of her own—and now this? It wasn't fair, and it made him feel helpless that there wasn't anything he could do about it. Elliot Stabler did _not_ like feeling helpless.

* * *

><p>Olivia sat in the rocking chair in Augusts' room long after her daughter had fallen asleep. She rocked and watched the slow, steady rise and fall of her little girl's chest and wondered, <em>how<em>, _why_, this could be happening. Her eyes were dry and she appeared calm but inside, her brain was a seething, screaming swirl of emotions. Not her baby girl—not after all they'd already been through. She and Declan and August were a family and had the rest of their lives to be happy together. This could _not_ be happening.

She heard the front door open and close softly and glanced at the cow-jumping-over-the-moon clock over Augusts' dresser. It was a little after 10 pm; Declan was finally home from his conference in D.C. She pushed herself up out of the chair, reluctant to leave her daughter's side and dreading having to tell her husband the news.

He was hanging the garment bag with his suits in the front closet when she came out of the bedroom.

"Hey," he said brightly when he saw her. "It was so quiet in here; I thought you'd gone to bed."

"Of course not, I was waiting for you." She wondered how he couldn't tell, how he hadn't picked up the vibe that something was wrong the second he stepped into the apartment, the second he saw her face, but to his credit he did when he crossed the room and bent to kiss her. Her lips were stiff with the words that had yet to be said, tight with the knowledge she had to impart.

"What's wrong?" he asked, pulling back and searching her face. "Did something happen while I was gone?"

Olivia took both of his hands in hers. She looked down at them, those big strong hands that had touched every inch of her, the hands that had cared for their daughter so lovingly for the past two years. "It's August." She said. His head snapped up and he automatically glanced toward her bedroom, where Olivia had pulled most of the way closed when she left.

"She's asleep," Olivia told him and then he appeared confused, searching her face again for clues. "Come sit down." She took his hand and pulled him to the couch where they sat side by side and she told him everything the doctor had said. How the blood work that the doctor had assured them last week was routine, just a precaution, had come back showing that Augusts' blood counts were all off, that the levels for all of her cells—white, red and platelets were low.

"So what does that mean?" he asked, struggling to accept what she was telling him.

"They want to do a lumbar puncture tomorrow to be sure, but he thinks it's a condition called aplastic anemia. We have to take her…" and this is where Olivia breaks down, when she has to say the words out loud …" to the pediatric oncology clinic at the hospital."

"Oncology!" Declan exclaimed, looking at her as if she has just told him a particularly tasteless joke. "That means cancer—do they think our little girl has cancer?"

"Not cancer, but if she has this…anemia…the treatment is similar, she needs to have this test and be evaluated by a pediatric hematologist and that's where this guy operates out of, the oncology unit."

Declan was silent. Olivia gave him a chance to process, remembering how speechless she had been in Dr. Norris's office when he first told her. His nurse had taken August out to the waiting room to play with blocks while they talked and Olivia's first instinct had been to run out of his well-appointed office with its' leather chairs and framed diplomas, snatch up her daughter and leave, never to return. Instead, she forced herself to listen as he described the various types of blood cells and their functions, and what her daughter's test results can mean.

"Lumbar puncture—isn't t hat the same as a spinal tap?" asked Declan at last. "Isn't that really painful?"

"Doctor Norris said it's more uncomfortable than painful, and that a small child with no expectations of discomfort should do just fine," said Olivia doubtfully, remembering how hard it had been to just get the blood done the week before. The nurse had done her best to cajole and distract August while she took the sample, but once the little girl had seen the needle, she wanted no part of it. In the end, Olivia had to hold her tight in her lap while the nurse drew the blood, August screaming like a banshee through the whole procedure and for a good five minutes after.

* * *

><p>Olivia wandered around the apartment, turning off lights while Declan took a quick shower. Mariclair, their au pair, was away for the week visiting friends in Chicago. She was tempted to join her husband just for the comfort of feeling his arms around her, but realizing that he needed some time to himself to process, she busied herself emptying his overnight bag.<p>

When Declan came out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, he found her sitting on the side of the bed, sobbing over the stuffed animal she'd found in his bag. August had a whole collection of stuffed dogs, started when Eli Stabler had given her one of his old favorites when she was just a baby. Since then, Declan and Olivia had bought her countless new ones, hoping to entice her into giving up that original ratty "goggy" that she insisted on sleeping with at night. It hadn't yet worked, but they were always hopeful. This was one was pink, with a sparkly rhinestone collar. Olivia had started to laugh at the thought of Declan purchasing it, but the laughter quickly turned to tears.

"Liv, Liv, it will be okay," he sat down next to her on the bed and pulled her into his arms and crooned that mantra over and over into her dark hair. She clung to him, her tears dampening the warm skin of his chest. He stroked her hair and her back, whispering words of comfort until she lifted her head and sought his lips with her own. Declan lay back on the bed, pulling her on top of him and returning her kisses with equal fervor. Both desperate to push away the confusion and fear that threatened to engulf them, they ran feverish hands over each other's bodies, exploring, touching, stroking. The towel covering Dec's lower half was quickly discarded. Olivia sat up, stripping off her t-shirt with one swift movement, her black lace bra quickly following. She wiggled out of her black yoga pants and tossed them to the floor before straddling Declan's hips. There was nothing tender or romantic about their lovemaking. She took him inside her with one swift movement, allowing him just a moment to align himself underneath her and grasp her hips with his warm hands before beginning a rocking motion as primeval as the instinct for survival.

Declan raised his body to a half-reclining position, maintaining his hold on her hips while bending his head to nip and nuzzle at her breasts. Olivia laced her hands behind his neck to hold him in place, closing her eyes and letting the sensations wash over her. Their bodies fit together perfectly and they lost themselves in a rhythm that fit their desperate mood.

* * *

><p>Olivia had just fallen into a troubled sleep when August cried out from her bedroom. Normally a sound sleeper, she'd been waking once or twice a night for the past few weeks. Trying to maintain a normal sleep pattern, they'd been taking turns soothing her back to sleep her in room, but tonight, Declan got up and brought her back to their bed, tucking her in between them. This wasn't the time to follow the rules of the parenting books. It was time to punt.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Diagnosis

Olivia and Declan sat in the waiting room of the Pediatric Oncology Unit, waiting to hear the results of their daughter's tests. August was sound asleep in Declan's lap, exhausted by the events of the long day. They'd arrived at 9 am and it was now after 3 pm. Kathy had offered to take August home with her when she left to meet Eli's bus, but neither of them could bear to let her out of their sight. So they waited, together, silently, each lost in their own thoughts.

The Oncology Unit was enough to shock any parent into silence. Everyone, the staff, the nurses, the doctors and even other patients had been friendly and helpful, but Olivia couldn't wait to get out of the place. Every time she passed by a treatment room and saw another child hooked up to IV's and equipment, coloring or watching television while receiving chemotherapy, she wanted to cry. Was this the future that her daughter faced? It was unbearable to contemplate, so she didn't. Instead, she focused on getting through each moment. They'd arrived early to sign in and complete paperwork before the 9:45 appointment for the lumbar puncture, but there had been the inevitable delay and it was almost noon before the procedure was completed. Then they'd had to stay in recovery, keeping August quiet while the nurses monitored her vitals as the local anesthesia they'd used to numb her wore off. Keeping an active two and a half year, even a sick one, quiet and still was no easy feat and by the time they were released, all three adults were exhausted. A visit to the hospital cafeteria for lunch did nothing to lift their spirits or energy levels.

In the end, Declan had been the one to be with her during the lumbar puncture while Olivia and Kathy waited anxiously outside. The medical staff would have preferred that _none_ of them were present, saying it would be less stressful for August, but Declan had absolutely refused to send her off alone. As hard as they tried to be nonchalant and casual, the little girl had picked up on the tensions around her and was irritable and cranky. Declan was best suited to soothe her when she was in that state. He cradled her in his arms and sang to her while the procedure was carried out. Still, the two women could hear her wails out in the waiting room, Olivia clinging to Kathy's hand so tightly she left the imprints of her nails on the other woman's palm. Later, Declan assured her that the cries had been more from fear of the unknown situation than from discomfort, but Olivia knew she'd carry the sounds of those cries in her heart for a long, long time.

"Mr. and Mrs.….Benson…O'Reilly?" A nurse stood in the doorway with a chart, trying to decipher the maze of hyphenated names. Olivia had kept her maiden name, but Augusts' last name was hyphenated. It made for lots of confusion at times like this.

They stood robotically, Declan hoisting the sleeping child to his shoulder as they followed the woman down a long narrow hall to the doctor's office. This place was nothing like the plush setting of their pediatrician's office; this was a hospital and while well-outfitted, utilitarian was clearly the key design theme. The treatment rooms were decorated with bright colors and posters for children, but the offices were stark and utilitarian.

They were ushered into a large office at the end of the hall. Dr Simon stood to greet them from behind his desk, extending his hand to shake both of theirs and motioning for them to take seats in the chairs in front of his desk. They'd met him briefly in the morning before his staff took over to do the testing. Olivia's nerves were frayed to the breaking point; she wanted to scream at the social niceties but she smiled politely and took a seat.

"As you know, we expedited the test results today so we could have immediate results." He began, taking off his wire-rimmed glasses and setting them down on his desk on top of the folder that must be Augusts'. He appeared to be in his late fifties, an attractive man with salt & pepper hair. Without the glasses, he looked younger and somehow more approachable. Their pediatrician, Dr. Norris, had assured him that he was the one of the top people in the metropolitan NY area and that their daughter would be in good hands. "With very young children like your daughter, prompt treatment increases the likelihood of a positive outcome so we like to know what you're dealing with as soon as possible."

"Which is?" Declan asked, unable to wait through anymore preliminaries. He looked more tired than Olivia had ever seen him, with dark circles under his eyes and a gray pallor to his skin.

Dr. Simon didn't blink at this interruption. Olivia imagined that he'd seen more than his share of anguished parents.

"Your daughter has aplastic anemia," he said simply and directly. "We need to review options and start on a course of treatment as soon as possible."

* * *

><p>That night, Kathy and Elliot drove in to Manhattan. They arrived at the apartment just as Declan had just finished putting August to bed. Olivia poured them all cups of coffee—no one was expecting to get any sleep that night- and they sat at the table in the dining area. On his way to sit down, Declan grabbed a bottle of Irish whiskey from a cabinet, pouring a generous shot in his own cup before passing it to Elliot who did the same.<p>

Haltingly, Olivia filled them in on the options available. The good news was that Augusts' case was relatively mild, still in the early stages of the disease. The "precautionary" blood work ordered by their pediatrician brought her condition to light before she experienced many of the other side effects of the disease—chronic infections, bruising, more serious respiratory problems.

"So what can they do for her?" Elliot asked. He appreciated that Olivia and Declan were keeping them in the loop. Technically, August was their daughter and he had no legal right to expect anything from them. Declan was the father listed on the birth certificate, and he was Olivia's husband. Elliot had no legal standing whatsoever when it came to this child.

"The best option is a stem cell, a bone marrow transplant," Declan told him, glancing at Olivia. "At this early stage, it could completely cure the disease and she'd have no more problems."

"That's great!" Elliot exclaimed, a smile spreading across his face. When they'd called and asked them to come in to the city that night, he had of course imagined the worse.

"It's not so simple," Olivia explained. "We have to find the right genetic match and…it's complicated in this case. " She looked tired and distant and Declan knew she was thinking back to the conversation in Dr. Simon's office.

* * *

><p>"<em>Does August have any siblings?" He'd asked, after describing the options available, looking from one to the other. "I didn't see any listed in her chart."<em>

"_No," Declan said, just as Olivia offered: "She has half-brothers and sisters."_

"_You have other children?" Dr. Simon asked Olivia, as he opened Augusts' chart, checking to see how he'd missed this fact. _

_Declan carefully maintained a neutral expression while Olivia explained "No, I don't…but her biological father does." _

"_I see," said Simon. He rubbed the bridge of his nose with the thumb and forefinger of his left hand. Olivia noticed a wide gold wedding band and wondered if he had children. There were no personal pictures in his office. If he had children, he was probably too considerate to advertise their health in a room where he met with parents to deliver grim diagnoses. _

_He had already explained that the best treatment option for August would be a stem cell, found in bone marrow, transplant. "The best changes for a matching donor come from a full-sibling, another child with the same parents." He explained. "But even then, the chances are only 25% that the antigens will match." _

"_What about her parents?" Declan had asked then. "What about her…half-siblings?"_

"_There's no more likelihood that either of her parents or her half-siblings will be an exact match than anyone in the general population." Dr. Simon. "A child gets three markers from each parent, and the best possible match is one where all six antigens or proteins are an exact match. But when that can't be found, yes, it's possible that a parent or half-sibling can be the next best thing. A donor with 4 or 5 matching antigens can be considered, although the better the match the better the chances are that a transplant will work."_

* * *

><p>"Complicated how?" Elliot asked with frown of confusion on his face. Kathy looked at Olivia with wide eyes, anticipating where this conversation was headed.<p>

"The best chances for a match are from a full-sibling, which of course, August doesn't have." Declan picked up the explanation without looking at Olivia. He knew from earlier discussions how reluctant she was to raise this topic with the Stablers. "So the next likely source would be from one of her parents-or a half-sibling." He looked into Elliot's eyes as he said this, watching as realization dawned in the other man's eyes.

"You're saying that our—"Elliot glanced at Kathy "-children might need to be tested as possible donors." His voice was flat as he stated the obvious.

"Yes," said Olivia and Declan simultaneously.

* * *

><p>The Stablers drove home to Queens, alternating between long silences and bursts of discussion. Elliot's hands clenched and unclenched on the wheel in a nonverbal expression of his frustration. Although he had agreed to the arrangement to father Olivia's child, he had never wanted his other children to know. However altruistic the motives for helping Olivia, in his mind, it was hard to distinguish it from an act of infidelity. It didn't matter that it had been Kathy's idea in the first place or that she wanted it to happen. He'd spent his whole life trying to be the man his own father had never been, a faithful husband and good father. The last thing he wanted was for his own children to look at him with the same tarnished lack of respect he had his own father as he grew older and realized what kind of man his father really was.<p>

Their family had been through so much over the past few years—the separation, Eli's traumatic birth, his shooting, the change of jobs—things were finally going so well for them—what would bringing this information to light do to them all?

Yet, there was August, who was also his child, as much a part of him as his other five offspring. How could he walk away from her when she needed his help?

"Maybe we could just tell the kids they're looking for donors and we all need to be tested to help out," he said to Kathy.

She looked at him, her blue eyes soft and sad. "That might fly with Eli, but the older kids will know better, Elliot. They've all studied genetics in science classes. One of them will put it together. If we're going to do this, it's better to be honest."

Elliot glanced at her in surprise, and then returned his attention to the drive. "So you think we should tell them?" He asked, his voice tight.

"I don't know," Kathy's sigh showed that she matched his level of frustration. "I don't know what the right thing _is_ in this situation. Do we do what's right for our family, or what might help August? It could disrupt all of our lives and none of them might even be a match."

They fell into another silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Kathy wondered how it all had become so complicated when their intentions had been nothing but good. It had seemed so simple when the idea first came to her almost three years ago. Olivia had been despondent at having lost what seemed to be her last chance to become a mother. She wanted a child, but had major concerns about using an anonymous sperm donor. Elliot had seemed the most obvious answer. One weekend out of their lives and they could all get what they wanted. Olivia would have a child, Kathy and Elliot the satisfaction of knowing they'd helped a good friend.

It had been foolish to think it could be such a simple matter and from the very beginning, there had been problems. Kathy found it harder than she'd anticipated sharing her husband. Elliot had found it difficult to let go of the child that wasn't really his and it had almost cost him his life. Olivia had married Declan without telling him the truth and it almost destroyed their relationship when he put the pieces together.

They'd promised Olivia and Declan an answer by the next day. It was going to be a long night.


	3. Chapter 3

Screening

Elliot called Olivia early the next morning. His voice sounded weary and discouraged.

"We're going to talk to the kids this weekend." He informed her without preamble. "I'm going to the hospital this morning to get tested myself, and I'll pick up some of the kits you told us about."

The first step in identifying potential donors was a simple swab of the cheek, a test that he and Olivia had witnessed countless times on the job for DNA sampling. If that test showed matching antigens, the donor would be further screened with blood work and other tests.

"Thank you, Elliot," Olivia said in a voice hoarse with emotion. "I know how hard this will be; I know you never wanted to tell them."

"No, I didn't." Elliot gave a heavy sigh. He and Kathy had been up most of the night, deciding how to proceed. In the end, there really wasn't much of a choice. They couldn't deny August a chance, however small, for a full recovery. The next question had been how to handle it. Elliot was mortified at the thought of having to have this conversation with his young adult children; Kathy was sure they would take it better than he anticipated. There was no need for them to know the details; all that they needed to know was that he had donated sperm so that Olivia could have a baby. That was going to be hard enough to explain.

"How is August doing?" he asked her, not wanting to get into a discussion about his children's reactions. He was determined to enjoy these last hours of being the father his they'd always known before irrevocably shaking up their worlds.

"She's a little perkier today." Olivia replied. "Mariclair comes home tonight and she can't wait to see her." Olivia wasn't looking forward to tell the au pair about Augusts' condition; she'd been with them for over two years and was very close to her child. August and Mariclair had a mutual adoration that sometimes caused Olivia to feel jealous, but at the moment she wasn't thinking about that; she was grateful for anything that provided her daughter some happiness and distraction.

"Good," said Elliot. "Hopefully we can identify a match for her soon and put all of this behind her."

Olivia picked up on the pronoun use but didn't comment. It had already crossed her mind that by pulling the Stablers into the mix, there was a risk that Elliot was going to start feeling a closer connection to August again. There was no avoiding it, however. If one of his children could provide her daughter with what she needed to get better, she'd live with the complications. All that mattered was that August _did _get better.

* * *

><p>On his way to work, Elliot stopped at the hospital and made his way to the Pediatric Oncology Unit. Even at this early hour, the waiting room was packed with parents accompanying children, many wearing baseball caps to cover the absence of hair. Kathy had told him how hard it had been to be there the day before and now he understood what she meant.<p>

The receptionist directed him to the lab around the corner. As he was identifying himself to the nurse as needing to be tested as a possible match for August Benson-O'Reilly, a tall man in a white lab coat paused on his way out of the room. He extended his hand to Elliot.

"I'm Dr. Simon," he introduced himself. "You must be Augusts' biological father?" His voice was low and there was no one but the nurse to over hear him, but Elliot felt a blush of heat stain his cheeks. He wasn't ashamed to be Augusts' father, but he hated that the whole world was learning about what was meant to be his private business.

"Yes," he said tersely, accepting the handshake. "I'm here to get tested and pick up kits for my children."

The doctor put his hand on Elliot's shoulder and ushered him into an adjoining room. "I'll draw the blood and we can talk."

The nurse looked surprised but quickly laid out the needed equipment and left the room. It had been decided that the adults—Olivia, Elliot, even Olivia's half-brother Simon, would all go directly to the blood testing stage to expedite the matching process. Although the chances weren't good that any of them, especially Marsden, would be a match, if they were it would prevent the need for further searching.

Elliot rolled up his sleeve as the doctor washed his hands and donned gloves.

"How many children do you have?" Dr. Simon asked as he probed the inside of Elliot's elbow for a vein.

"Five," Elliot told him. "The youngest is six and the oldest is 25."

Dr. Simon raised his eyebrows and smiled at the range in ages and Elliot could practically hear this thoughts: _Good Catholic family! _

"How do they feel about being tested?" He asked as he found applied the rubber strap of a tourniquet.

"They don't know yet," Elliot told him. This man was a complete stranger yet something about his demeanor made him feel comfortable. Olivia had said that he'd been wonderful when delivering the diagnosis and explaining their options and he could see what she meant. "They don't…know…yet…that August is their sister."

To Dr. Simon's credit, his expression didn't change. "Situations like this call for people to make tough decisions." He said quietly, deftly inserting the needle and pulling back on the plunger. Elliot watched as he filled several vials with his blood, then withdrew the needle and handed Elliot a cotton ball to hold over the spot. "You're not the first family to be in this kind of predicament."

"Doc, I can guarantee our "situation" is not what you think," Elliot said, his voice coming off more heated than he had intended. He was sure Simon assumed that he and Olivia had had a torrid love affair and that August was their secret love child.

Simon gave him a curious look. "I'm not making any assumptions—or judgments—about your situation." He said calmly. "I applaud you for doing what you can to help out, especially when it appears to be putting you in a difficult situation."

"What did Olivia tell you?" Elliot asked, rolling down his sleeve.

"Only that August had half-siblings from her biological father," said Dr. Simon. He removed his gloves and stepped on a trash can to dispose of them. "I don't need to know anything more than that."

Elliot felt the need to explain anyway. It was ridiculous to be worrying about what this man thought of him, but he didn't want him under the impression that he'd fathered a child and just walked away to let another man raise her. "Olivia needed a sperm donor to become pregnant," he said, his tone a bit defensive. "We work together and she trusted me. My wife supported the idea, but we never told our own children—didn't see a need for them to know. And now…" His voice trailed off as he thought ahead to the weekend and the explanations to come.

"Well, the end result was a beautiful little girl," said Dr. Simon, extending his hand to Elliot to shake in farewell. "And we'll do our best to get her healthy again as soon as possible. We should have your results back later today; when do you think you can get me the samples from your children?"

Elliot promised to drop them off Monday morning and left, feeling sheepish and relieved; sheepish because had assumed the doctor would judge him for their unusual situation and relieved to know that Augusts' case was in such good hands. For the first time since hearing Augusts' diagnosis, he felt some optimism.

* * *

><p>He went to work and did his best to lose himself in the details of the case he was currently investigating, a vendor who promised needed medical supply equipment to veterans at discount prices, then disappeared after receiving payment without delivering the goods. As busy as he tried to keep himself, his mind kept wandering back to August. He knew it was unrealistic, but he found himself hoping that the blood work he'd had that morning would show that <em>he<em> was a perfect match for her. Then he would be able to give her the help she needed without disrupting the lives of his other children.

His hopes were dashed when Olivia called him late that afternoon, just before he was leaving to go home for the day.

"None of us are a match," she told him sadly. When he heard the pain in her voice, he realized that she'd probably had the same hopes as he had—that one of them, as Augusts' parents, would have been able to supply the needed bone marrow.

"Kathy and I will talk to the kids on Sunday," Elliot promised her. "I told Dr. Simon that I'd drop off the samples first thing Monday morning. I can't force them to be tested, Liv, but I can't imagine that they won't want to help August in any way that they can. They love her too."

"In the meantime, the hospital is checking the National Registry," Olivia said. It was more likely that a complete stranger would be a match for August before one of her half-siblings, but the problem, as with any type of organ or tissue donation, was that there were never enough donors to be screened. Unlike many other types of medical donations, bone marrow transplants could be taken from a living donor. All that was needed to become part of the National Registry was for individuals to fill out a medical history and submit a sample swabbed from the inside of a cheek.

"Something will turn up," Elliot assured her, hoping that he sounded more confident than he felt. "It has to."

* * *

><p>Kathy came out of the bathroom from brushing her teeth to find Elliot stripped down to his briefs and lying on top of the bed, one arm folded across his face and covering his eyes. She crossed the room and sat down gently next to him, thinking he was falling asleep and wanting to get him under the covers before he was totally out.<p>

"Hey, babe," she said softly, putting her hand on his chest. He lowered his arm and to her great surprise, saw that he his eyes were full of unshed tears. Expressing emotion was not Elliot's strong suite; in all the years they'd been together, she'd rarely seen him cry. His bastard of a father had pounded it in to him from an early age that men _never_ cry. _Never_.

"Elliot," she said helplessly, not sure how to offer comfort. This was such uncharted territory for them all.

He reached for her, pulling her up by the shoulders until her head lay on his chest and his arms were around her. She began to stroke his broad chest softly in a circular motion, the way she would do for the kids when they were little and complaining of a stomach ache. Under her palm she could feel the muscles in his chest constricting as he fought back tears.

"It's okay, babe, just let it out," she murmured. "It's okay."

"I feel like such a fuck-up," he said into her hair, his voice hoarse. She raised her face to see his cheeks wet with tears and moved up so that her face was over his. She kissed the wetness.

"You're not," she said fiercely. "Why would you even say such a thing, Elliot?"

"This family has been through so much already, and now, because of me, it's all going to be a mess again. The kids are going to hate me when they find out I lied to them. It's going to throw their lives into turmoil to know they have a sister and we kept it from them."

She stroked her hand down the side of his cheek, and looked him in the eye as she spoke in a soft but firm voice. "Our children will never hate you. They're going to be upset at first, but eventually they'll understand why we did what we did. _We_, Elliot, not just you. We're in this together. They love Olivia and August; they'll realize it was a good thing that we did."

He looked at her, his blue eyes dark and wet. "I hope you're right. I can't live with the thought of having our children think I'm a liar…" He turned his face away then and she felt his chest tighten again under her.

"Elliot, you're nothing like your father," she interrupted, taking his chin in her hand and turning his face so that his eyes couldn't escape hers. "Nothing at all like him. What you did was an act of kindness, done out of love for a friend. They know you, Elliot. They know you're a good man."

She held him while he cried, knowing that the tears were about so much more than August and her illness, or even the need to tell their children of the biological connection between Olivia's daughter and themselves. It was also about his need to be more than his father had been; to be more than the patriarch who threw his weight around and put his own needs before those of his family. All of his adult life Elliot had set impossibly high standards for himself as a father, and now he was confronted with failing his own expectations.

After awhile, his tears began to subside and his hands began to roam her body, caressing her roughly through her clothes, as if grounding himself in her familiar curves and planes. He slid his large hand up under her sleep shirt to knead her breasts and buried his face in her neck, covering her with wide, wet kisses. She moaned as he moved over her, grinding his erection into her through their clothing. She slid his briefs down over his hips, grasping him by the buttocks as he continued to writhe against her.

He reached down to slip a finger inside the band of her panties, and finding her wet and ready, pulled the flimsy garment roughly aside so he could enter. He let out in incoherent groan of satisfaction as he filled her, causing her to gasp at the sudden heat of the full length of him. She realized somewhere in the back of her mind that they hadn't stopped for a condom, but it was way, way too late for that, there was no stopping now as he pounded away his fears and frustrations and feelings of failure. He held on to her shoulders and lay with his full weight on her, repeatedly thrusting deep and hard until he could feel her start to undulate beneath him in the waves of a climax that left her gasping for breath. Still he continued pounding away at a grueling pace; as if his own release was something he had to earn, to earn with his sweat and tears. She slid her hands around to his buttocks and held him tightly, raising her hips to meet his, forcing him over the edge along with her. He uttered a loud, wordless groan of defeat and collapsed, shuddering, on top of her. They lay together in a jumble of partially removed clothing and sweaty limbs, panting as they slowly regained composure.

"It will all be okay," she told him again, running her hands up and down the length of his back. "We'll all be okay."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclosure

Elliot woke Sunday morning with an ache in his stomach that didn't take him long to identify as dread. Maureen and Kathleen were coming back to the house for brunch after Mass, and after, they would talk to them all about August. Kathy had arranged for Eli to be invited to a friend's house when they were finished eating; they were both in agreement that he was too young to be present for this talk. They'd find a way to explain it all to him later.

Standing in church, he looked down the pew at the faces of his family and felt hot tears at the back of his eyes for the second time in as many days. It was rare that they all went to Mass together; the older girls lived on their own and went sporadically. The twins preferred to go with their friends most of the time. If he was called in on a weekend for a case, Kathy often ended up going alone with Eli to the early Children's Mass. Today he insisted they all attend the same service, using the excuse that they hadn't attended together since Christmas. To his surprise, they had all been agreeable, Dick joking that maybe they'd get presents again. Elliot had felt a pang, remembering the boy's obsession with the holiday when he was younger; making him read "The Night Before Christmas" every night before bed.

It took two pews to accommodate them all, but they were there, every one of them and miraculously, all awake. At the other end of the pew, Kathy caught his eye and gave him a comforting smile. She'd been a rock through all of this, providing a listening ear and support for Olivia and reassurance for him that it would all work out okay with their own family. Elliot was sure he'd have lost if before now if it hadn't been for her steady support.

He tried to focus on the service and Father Mike's homily, but his mind kept returning to the afternoon ahead and hoping that this morning wouldn't be the last of its kind.

* * *

><p>His carefully rehearsed speech was met with several minutes of stunned silence, and then all hell broke loose as they all spoke at once. Predictably, each of their children had a different reaction.<p>

"What the hell, Dad?" Kathleen was the first to break the quiet. "You didn't think this was something we should have known about before?"

"I can't believe you didn't trust us enough to tell us," added Maureen, looking upset.

"You and Olivia had a baby together?" asked Dick, looking at his father with a combination of horror and awe.

"Is August going to be okay?" Lizzie asked anxiously.

Kathy, who had let Elliot do the bulk of the talking, interjecting a point here and there, tried to restore some order. "I know this is a lot to take in at once, but please, one person at a time. Give us a chance to answer." She turned to Dick first. "Your father donated sperm so that Olivia could have a baby of her own, Richard. They didn't technically have a baby together. August has always been Olivia and Declan's child." She ignored his snort of derision and turned her attention to his sisters, who were each leaning forward in their chairs at the dining room table, anxious to be heard.

"But she's _related_ to _us_." Maureen pointed out. "Otherwise, we wouldn't even be having this conversation now, would we? You'd have kept us in the dark forever." Her blue eyes, flashing with anger, were directed at Elliot. At twenty-five, Maureen had grown into a remarkable young woman, mature and composed, but that moment, she sounded very much like the rebellious teenager who had put them through so much a decade earlier.

Elliot, who had promised himself he wouldn't get angry no matter what their reactions, found himself snapping back. "It was a private matter, Maureen. We didn't think you would ever need to know." He saw Kathy wince and he immediately regretted his tone. Now Maureen was livid.

"We didn't _need _to know?" she retorted. "We're all old enough to decide what we _need _to know, Dad! You don't have to protect us. Or was it your own precious reputation you were protecting?"

Elliot's cheeks flushed a deep red and he forced himself to take a deep breath before responding. He felt like he'd been transported back ten years, when this daughter of his knew how to push all of his buttons without even trying. How was it that she was so good at always finding his sore spots?

"Maureen," Kathy chided in a soft tone. "Your father did a good thing by helping Olivia."

Now Kathleen jumped into the fray, turning to Kathy with a look of confusion. "You _knew_ about this, mom? I can't believe you were okay with it."

Kathy met her look head on. "It was my suggestion, Kathleen. Olivia is our friend and we wanted to help her."

At this, Kathleen's mouth dropped open in surprise. Maureen was still glaring at Elliot and Dick was glancing nervously from family member to the next, not sure if it was safe for him to voice his own opinions yet.

"But…is August going to be okay?" Lizzie asked again. She was sitting next to Elliot at the table. He reached over and squeezed her hand in gratitude. Leave it to his youngest daughter to cut to the heart of the matter.

"That's what's most important right now," he said, maintaining his grasp on his her hand and looking around at her siblings. "I know you're all upset and I can understand that it will take some time to process what we just told you…but the bottom line is that there's a very sick little girl who needs our help."

"So how do we get tested?" asked Lizzie. "And what if one of us _is_ a match for her? What happens then?"

Her older sisters looked sullen as Kathy took the opportunity to explain. "For now, all we have to do is take a swab of the inside of your check and send it to the lab at the hospital. If one of you does turn out to be a match for her, there'd be more testing, and eventually, surgery to take some bone marrow for a transplant. But I have to tell you, the chances are slim that any of you will even match."

"So why did you even bother to tell us?" asked Maureen in a defiant tone. "Why spoil your little secret if there's so little chance one of us will match?"

"August—and Olivia, and Declan—need all of the help and support we can give them right now," said Elliot firmly, holding his daughter's angry gaze. "If they can't find a perfect match for August, one of you might be the next closest thing. A successful transplant could mean a permanent cure for her. You all are the best chance she has."

Maureen glared at him for a long minute before dropping her gaze to the table top. "I'll get tested, but only to help August," she said sullenly. "I still think what you guys did sucks. You had no right to keep it from us."

"Exactly!" Kathleen added. "You should have told us! We have the right to know that we have a sister." She looked suspiciously at her parents. "Are there any other brothers and sisters we need to know about?"

Elliot opened his mouth to protest but quickly closed it when Kathy threw him a warning glance.

"I'm afraid that's the extent of our closet of secrets." Kathy said lightly. "Sorry to disappoint you, Kathleen, but that's it. "

Kathleen rolled her eyes but couldn't quite hide a look of relief.

"For the record, I think this sucks too," said Dick, who was slumped down in his seat across from Elliot. "Isn't our family weird enough already?"

"This isn't going to change anything," Elliot told him, frowning. "Once August is healthy again, everything will go back to the way it was."

"Right, we're just going to pretend we don't know?" Dick scoffed, looking at his father and shaking his head.

"Of course not," Elliot answered, "But my point is, this is no one else's business, no one outside our two families needs to know. We have to think about Olivia and Declan too. August is their daughter, regardless of her…."

"Sperm source?" Dick finished sarcastically.

"That's enough." Elliot snapped at him. "You don't have to agree with what we did, or like it, but there's no call to be disrespectful. Like your mother said, we were trying to help a friend. Olivia had good reasons for not wanting to use an anonymous donor and she needed our help."

Dick shook his head again, but said nothing.

"Dad, what about….the Church?" Lizzie asked hesitantly. Always the peacemaker in the family, she was clearly reluctant to bring up another sensitive topic. "We learned in religion class that the Catholic Church doesn't approve of artificial insemination."

Kathy and Elliot exchanged a glance. This was one of the points they'd hope to avoid discussing.

"You're right," Elliot said, "And that was one of the toughest parts about all of this. But I met with Father Mike and we talked…"

"Father Mike knows about this too?" Dick groaned, slumping down further in his seat, clearly not thrilled to have his basketball coach in the loop.

"…we talked," Elliot continued,. "He was a big help in helping me decide what was best for all of us within the guidelines of what the Church teaches."

At "best for all of us" Dick rolled his eyes, but remained quiet, drumming his long fingers on the top of the table as he listened. At 17, his son was turning into a man before his eyes, just in inch or two shorter than Elliot. His voice had deepened a few years earlier and he needed to shave every few days now. At times, it was like looking into a mirror of his own past, and remembering how difficult it had been at that age, Elliot hoped he wasn't throwing more at the boy than he could handle right now.

Lizzie seemed satisfied with that vague answer and Elliot heaved a mental sigh of relief as Kathy went to get the testing kits. She passed one out to each of the kids and walked them through the instructions. She did a swab on herself, knowing that the chances of a match were nonexistent, but wanting to show support for August and be part of the group effort. All of their samples would be entered into the National Bone Marrow Registry as potential donors.

As they all returned the swabs to the pouches provided and labeled them, Kathleen asked, "What about Eli? Are you going to test him too?"

"Yes," answered Kathy. "We'll test him, but please, let Dad & I be the ones to explain all of this to him as needed. He's not really old enough to understand."

The others nodded in agreement. Maureen opened her mouth to add what would no doubt have been another sarcastic retort but stopped herself. She was quiet and seemed preoccupied now. Elliot sighed. The worst was over, but he could see that the issue was far from settled in all of their minds.

They talked for another half an hour, Kathy and Elliot doing their best to answer their questions about Augusts' condition and the anticipated treatment. When the girls got up to leave so that Maureen could get home in time for her evening shift at work, Kathleen stepped forward and impulsively gave Elliot a hug around the neck.

"I'm sorry we gave you such a hard time, Dad," she said, kissing him on the cheek. "But you should have told us a long time ago." Grateful for a thawing in the ice, Elliot hugged her tightly back.

"We did what we thought was best at the time, "he told her, kissing her cheek in return. "We never meant to hurt anyone."

Maureen stood stiffly to the side, waiting for her sister to finish. Elliot stepped forward her and pulled her close for a hug, whispering into her ear, "I'm sorry, kiddo." She nodded, but didn't return his hug and he finally, reluctantly let go and walked to the door to watch as they walked out to the car and drove away.

Dick and Lizzie had escaped to their rooms when he returned to the dining room and he began helping Kathy clear the last of the dishes from their brunch and carry them to the kitchen.

"I think that went as well as could be expected," Kathy commented as she opened the dishwasher, looking for room for a few more items.

"I guess," Elliot sighed, putting condiments back into the refrigerator. "Maureen was pretty upset."

"She'll come around," Kathy assured him. "She's like you, El; she just needs time to think it through."

Elliot gave a bitter laugh. "If she's like me, it could take years."

* * *

><p>After putting Eli to bed that night, Elliot stopped outside of his older son's closed door, gathering up his courage to knock. Dick had spent the rest of the day at a friend's house and when he'd returned home a little while ago, had gone right to his room and shut the door. When he finally tapped on the wooden pane, it seemed like an agonizing long time before he heard a reluctant permission to enter. Elliot thought back to his own father, who wouldn't have bothered to knock in the first place, and would have taken the door off the hinges if he'd ever tried to deny him entry.<p>

"I wanted to see how you were doing," Elliot said, walking into the room and pulling out the desk chair. He turned it around and sat backwards on it, facing his son. Dick's room was a mess of dirty clothes and sport equipment, something else his own father would never have tolerated. Kathy had persuaded him long ago it was better to just keep their doors shut and ignore the mess than to battle with a teenager over cleaning rooms.

Dick was lying listening to music on his iPod, having taken one token earpiece out when his father came in. He shrugged in response to Elliot's question.

"I know it was a lot to throw at you guys today," Elliot said, feeling awkward. "But if you have any questions, or you want to talk..."

Dick looked at him, as if appraising his sincerity. "I guess I keep wondering how mom was okay with all of this," he finally said. "She used to seem, I don't know, jealous of Olivia, and now they're like best friends or something."

Elliot gave a shrug of his own. "People change, son. Your mom and I have been through a lot together and after a certain point; you either trust someone or you don't. I've never given your mother any reason to be jealous with Olivia or any other woman. We've had our share of problems, but that wasn't one of them."

Dick nodded slowly, seeming to appreciate his honesty. "It's all a little weird, Dad," he admitted. "It will seem strange to see Olivia now."

Elliot gave a soft laugh. "Tell me about it," he almost said, but stopped himself in time. They'd simply announced that Elliot had donated sperm so that Olivia could have a baby and not given any details. As they'd hoped, the kids had assumed it had been done as a procedure in a doctor's office. "That's understandable." He said instead. "It's going to be awkward for Olivia and Declan at first too, I'm sure. But we'll all get through it."

They fell silent, and after a minute, Elliot stood up and returned the chair to its original position. "Remember, I'm here if you need to talk." Dick nodded and put his headphones back in, turning up the volume as he did so. Elliot could hear the music as he crossed the room.

"Good night," he said from the doorway, raising his voice to be heard. "I love you." Dick gave him a thumbs up in response. Laughing, Elliot pulled the door closed behind him and crossed the hall to Lizzie's room. One down….


	5. Chapter 5

Waiting

Olivia and Declan spent the weekend alternating between bouts of optimism and despair. August had rallied when Mariclair first came home, so happy to see the au pair that she seemed almost herself for a few hours. Unfortunately, the exertion quickly tired her and she was soon back to being lethargic and clingy.

Mariclair had not taken the news well and Olivia ended up having to comfort her when all she wanted to do was curl into a ball and rock herself into oblivion. The young woman's eyes welled with tears when she finally understood that her little charge was seriously ill. "I thought it was just a cold!" she exclaimed. "I never would have left if I'd known she was so sick, Olivia." When she learned about the proposed treatment, she immediately wanted to be tested as a possible donor, even though Olivia explained it was unlikely she'd be a match. Olivia promised to help her with a test kit and drop it off at the hospital on Monday morning. At least they were helping the national registry of donors grow.

All day Sunday Olivia wondered how the family meeting was going at the Stablers. She knew how difficult it was going to be for Elliot to share this information with his children; from the outset, he'd been adamant that his other children never know about their arrangement. When she looked back at the lengths he and Kathy had gone to in order to help her have a family of her own, she sometimes felt guilty, but when she looked at her beautiful daughter, she didn't doubt for a minute that it had all been worth it. Still, she felt terrible for the disruption this was causing. It would be hard for him to tell his children something he considered so private and even harder for them to hear it.

She also wondered at the impact it would have on her own family. Declan had adjusted well to the truth about Augusts' paternity when she'd finally told him, but she wondered how he would feel to have so many other people know as well. The two families were accustomed to spending a lot of time together; it was going to be awkward to see the Stabler children now that they knew the truth.

And now the truth was out—would they look at August differently? Would they consider her a sister and have expectations of a sibling relationship? It gave a whole new meaning to the idea of "extended family", one that Olivia had never planned on.

She was dying to call Elliot and ask how the talk had gone, but most importantly—had the kids agreed to be tested and how soon would he be dropping off the samples? Dr. Simon had told them that Augusts' symptoms were still mild enough that they had some time to look for a good match before considering other options, but Olivia wanted her daughter healthy _now_. The other options—immunosuppressant therapy and the use of growth hormones had major side effects and only treated the symptoms of the disease—the only chance for a cure was through a stem cell transplant.

* * *

><p>"Have you heard anything from Elliot or Kathy?" Declan asked as they were cleaning up the after dinner. It was a pointless question because of course she would have told him if they had called, but she understood his need to ask. It was hard for him, a man accustomed to making quick decisions and taking action, to sit by and just wait.<p>

Dinner had been an awkward half-hour of everyone pushing food around on their plates and trying to be cheerful for the sake of the others. They had finally given up the pretense of eating and Mariclair had taken August off to give her a bath, something Olivia would have preferred to do herself. She realized that the au pair needed to feel useful. She still felt guilty about being away when August had been diagnosed, no matter how Olivia and Declan tried to explain that it would have made no difference in the outcome. In fact, if Olivia hadn't taken the week off to care for August herself and seen how not herself she was, the diagnosis might not have been made so promptly.

"No, I haven't," Olivia told him as she covered a mostly untouched bowl of salad and put it into the refrigerator. "I don't know if I should call or wait to hear from them."

Declan glanced at the clock. "It's early yet, let's wait." He was standing at the sink, up to his elbows in soapsuds as he scrubbed the pots from dinner. The kitchen was his domain; he was a far better cook than Olivia and claimed that it relaxed him. Never having been at home in the kitchen she was more than happy to concede this area to him.

Olivia went to stand next to him, taking the pots as he rinsed them and drying them with a towel. Usually they let them air dry on the wooden rack next to the sink, but she needed to keep busy—and stay close to her husband.

"What if none of them match?" she asked in a voice so quiet he could barely hear her over the running water. "What if there are no matches?"

Dr. Simon had explained that children rarely died from aplastic anemia anymore and that patients could have a good quality of life while undergoing treatment to manage symptoms, but that wasn't the life she wanted for her daughter. She wanted her healthy and happy and able to enjoy every second of the perfect life that was in store for her.

Declan took the towel from her to dry his hands and then wrapped his arms around her in a tight, desperate hug. "There has to be someone," he told the top of her head. "We'll keep searching until we find the right match. It's out there somewhere, I know it."

Olivia tried to let herself relax into the warmth of his embrace. She was so tired; she hadn't slept a full night since the appointment with Dr. Norris. Closing her eyes, she rested the side of her face against his shoulder. The steady beat of his heart calmed her, as did his large hands softly stroking up and down her back. They stood there, drawing strength and peace from each other, until they heard the bathroom door open and Mariclair call out "Who wants this squeaky clean little princess?"

* * *

><p>It was after ten by the time Elliot finished talking with both of the twins and went downstairs to find Kathy sitting at the dining room table in semi-darkness with an open bottle of wine and two glasses. He sat in the chair next to her and reached for one of the glasses, waiting as she poured it half-full.<p>

"Would you rather have a beer?" she asked. Even with only the dim glow of the single wall sconce she'd left on he could see that she looked exhausted.

"This is fine," he told her, and bent to place a soft kiss on her forehead. "Thanks. I think we've earned a glass of wine. Or maybe the whole bottle."

"How are the twins?"

Elliot shrugged. "They seem okay. Dick is concerned about how weird it is; Lizzie is worried about August. She asked if she'd be able to call her "sister" now."

"What did you say?" Kathy asked, leaning so that her head rested against his shoulder. He put his arm around her and she nestled in with a tired sigh.

"That we'll have to play it by ear; I have no idea what Olivia and Declan expect to happen after this."

"Things are certainly going to be different," Kathy agreed. They sipped their wine in silence for a few minutes.

"It's Maureen that I'm worried about," Elliot said at last. "She wouldn't even look at me when she left."

"Give her a call tomorrow after she's had time to calm down." Kathy suggested. She reached for the wine and poured more into each of their glasses.

"I plan to. Did you call Olivia?" he asked, glancing at his watch.

"No, I thought you should do it."

Elliot pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, but before he could dial, Kathy asked in a low voice. "Knowing everything we do now, would you still have gone through with it, El? Helping Olivia get pregnant? "

He paused, his thumb over the keypad. He thought of the anger and confusion on the faces of his children that afternoon and of the difficult days ahead of them. He thought about the day August had been born and how happy Olivia had been and wondered how you could measure the happiness of one person by the pain of another. "I don't know," he sighed. One of the certainties of life was that there were rarely chances for do-overs; you accepted the consequences of your actions and moved on.

* * *

><p>When Olivia's cell phone buzzed on her nightstand, she'd almost flown off the bed. Having finally decided they wouldn't hear from the Stabler's that night and reluctant to bother them, she and Declan were watching the ten o'clock news in bed. Nothing on the screen was sinking in; the noise was a pleasant distraction. She could almost pretend that things were normal, lying in bed with her husband watching the news while their daughter slept in the next room.<p>

"Elliot," she said when she answered the phone, assuming Kathy wouldn't' be calling on his cell. Declan reached for the remote and muted the television so he could listen to her side of the conversation.

"Hey, Liv," he replied, sounding tired. "I hope I'm not calling too late."

"Of course not." Olivia sat up on the edge of the bed, looking at Declan while she talked. "How did things go today? Are the kids okay?"

When she got off the phone, she filled her husband in on what Elliot had told her, the kids varied reactions but that they had all agreed to be, had all _wanted_ to be, tested. Elliot would drop the kits off at the hospital on his way to work first thing in the morning.

"Lizzie asked if she could call August her sister now," she told him, watching to gauge his reaction. He winced.

"It's going to be awkward as hell now, isn't it?" He sighed, laying back against the pillows and patting the spot next to him. "But it will be worth it if it makes our little girl better."

"It will," Olivia agreed, stretching out next to him. "But we're going to have to talk about this, decide how we want to handle it, Dec. Does she grow up knowing they're her brothers and sisters, or do we pretend it all never happened?"

"I don't know," Declan sighed. "I want her to be just ours, you know? This whole half-brothers and sisters situation is just too complicated. But with this many people knowing about it, I don't see how we can't tell her when she's older. Maybe it's better to just be open about it now."

Olivia looked at him, her eyes soft and wide. "You're a good man, Declan O'Reilly." She said gently, reaching out to stroke his face. "You should have run the other way when you met me."

He laughed, grasping her wrist and turning her hand palm up so he could plant a kiss in it. "And miss out on all of this excitement, Olivia Benson? Never."


	6. Chapter 6

Delay

Once again, Elliot made a trip to the hospital on his way to work, this time to drop off the samples from his family. Gathering Eli's kit had been a challenge; he'd finally pretended to be demonstrating how they collected DNA samples at the police force. Eli had been intrigued and asked endless questions. He was already saying he wanted to be a detective like his father when he grew up.

"Do you know how long it will be before the results are back?" He asked the nurse in the lab when he handed her the packets.

"I'm not sure, Mr..." she glanced at the names on the envelopes before continuing, "...Stabler, we're short a technician this week, but Dr. Simon will call you as soon as he gets them." Her smile was kind and her tone sympathetic. Elliot thanked her with a warm smile of his own, making note of the name on her badge and being sure to use it. He was not above using charm to smooth the way. The sooner this situation was resolved, the better off they'd all be-especially August.

Mid-morning, he tried Maureen's cell phone but to his frustration the call went directly to voice mail. She had worked the Sunday evening shift in the lab at the university where she was a grad student in the biology department and he knew she didn't have any classes on Monday mornings. Frowning, he waited for the beep and left a message: "Maureen, it's Dad, I wanted to see how you were doing after yesterday. Please give me a call when you get this." He hesitated and then added, "I love you, monkey, and I'm sorry if...well, I'm just...sorry. Please call." He hoped the use of her childhood nickname would soften her feelings a little, but when Maureen was hot about something, it could go either way. As much as he hated to admit it, his wife was right-his oldest daughter _was_ just like him in many ways.

Kathy had promised to touch base with Kathleen that afternoon when she was finished with classes, so there was nothing to do now but wait.

* * *

><p>Olivia had reluctantly returned to work that morning. Her position in Computer Crimes allowed for more flexible hours than working in Special Victims had, but she'd already taken the previous week off when Mariclair was away and knew she'd need even more time in the weeks ahead. She'd filled Captain Johnson in on Augusts' situation and he assured her that she could take all of the time that was necessary, but she wanted to get some cases she'd been working on cleared while she could. As much as she'd hated leaving August that morning, it felt good to be out of the house and focusing on something other than her daughter's illness and the decisions they faced. She smiled at the mental picture of Mariclair and August at the kitchen counter when she'd left, busy making blueberry muffins, Dec's favourite, to surprise Daddy with when he returned from work.<p>

Still, she found herself checking her cell phone every few minutes, waiting to her from Dr. Simon about the newest test results. If just one of the Stabler children was a match, their problems could all be solved.

* * *

><p>By mid-afternoon, Elliot hadn't heard from either Maureen or Dr. Simon and he was starting to feel anxious about both. He'd tried Maureen's phone again but it was still going directly to voice mail. When he called Kathy at lunchtime, she told him she'd spoken to Kathleen briefly between classes, but their second daughter was busy on campus all day and hadn't seen her older sister.<p>

Before leaving work, he called Olivia to see if she'd heard anything. She was just getting ready to leave for home and sounded nervous and distracted.

"I just got off the phone with Dr. Simon," she reported. "When I didn't hear anything, I called him. He said we won't have results until tomorrow morning at the earliest because their lab is short-staffed and backed up."

"They mentioned they were short this morning when I dropped off the samples," Elliot sighed.

"I'll call you if I hear anything," she promised him. Elliot assured her that he would do the same and they both hung up, each feeling frustrated at the lack of progress and their inability to move things along.

* * *

><p>On his way home from work, Elliot called Kathy. "I haven't heard from Maureen all day," he told her. "I've left two messages."<p>

"Maybe we need to give her some space," suggested Kathy but she didn't sound very confident. "She can be so stubborn, Elliot, you know that."

"I think I'll stop by the lab and see if she's at work," he told her. "I need to see her, Kath and know that's she okay. If she doesn't want to talk I'll leave her alone, but I need to try."

He made his way to the biology lab at the university, parking in a "faculty only" spot outside the building and propping his federal OVA credentials on the dash. Parking spaces on campus were few and far between and he figured that most of the faculty had gone home for the day anyway. He remembered how to find the lab from when

Maureen had taken them on a tour a few months earlier when she'd been accepted into the graduate program and taken the part-time position as a technician. Elliot still wasn't sure what she was going to do with a degree in biology but she was happy and even better, had a fellowship that paid her expenses.

The lab was locked so he pressed the buzzer and waited. He relief at seeing Maureen come to answer the door was deflated somewhat when she scowled as she recognized him. This wasn't going to be easy.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in exasperation, opening the door a few inches but not moving to allow him to enter. "What are you _doing_ here?"

He shrugged, a conciliatory smile on his face. "You didn't return my calls and I was worried. I came to...investigate." He pointed to the badge on his lapel that said "Elliot Stabler, Special Investigator" which he'd forgotten to remove before leaving work.

She gave a big sigh and shook her head, but the scowl disappeared.

"Can you talk for a minute?" he asked softly, trying not to sound like he was pleading but not succeeding.

She rolled her eyes, but stepped back into the lab to call out to unseen co-workers that she was taking a break and would be back in a few minutes.

"I can't be away for long," she cautioned him. "I'm in the middle of running some tests and they're time sensitive."

She motioned down the hall to another doorway. "There's a staff room down here, there shouldn't be anyone around." She led the way, her honey blond hair pulled back in a pony tail, her tall slim figure clad in a white lab coat. Where had happened to the teenager whom he'd fought with daily over clothing—or lack of—a few years ago?

The room was small and shabby, but thankfully, empty. Maureen went to the small refrigerator and pulled out two cans of soda and sat down, sliding one across the table to her father without asking.

"Thanks, sweetie," he said, popping the top and taking a sip. His throat was suddenly dry and tight and the cool sweet drink was welcome. When Maureen didn't say anything, he asked her, "Why didn't you return my calls?"

"I didn't know what to say," she mumbled, turning her own soda can in circles in front of her. She stared down at it as if it was the only other object in the room and she'd never seen anything so fascinating. "This whole situation is so weird; I don't know what to think or say." She looked up at him then and he saw that her blue eyes were filled with tears.

"Maureen," he murmured. He slid his chair closer to hers and pulled her into his arms. She resisted, stiff at first, then melted against his shoulder, sobbing.

"Why didn't you tell us, Dad?" she asked, not lifting her face from the lapel of his suit jacket. "I feel like my own parents are total strangers; that my family is nothing like I thought it was. Why didn't you trust us?"

"Oh honey," he said helplessly, "It wasn't that we didn't trust you; we just didn't want to complicate things. August was never supposed to be a part of our family; she was always going to be Olivia's daughter."

"But how could you do that?" she asked, sitting up straight and looking at him. He reached for a napkin from a pile on the table and used it to wipe at her tears. She took it from him and blew her nose. "How could you just have a baby with someone and...pretend she wasn't yours?"

"It was harder than I thought it would be," he admitted. "I look at August sometimes and I see you and your brothers and sisters at that age and I wonder if we did the right thing. But August has a great family; Olivia and Declan love her."

"I can't believe that Mom went along with this," she sniffed. Elliot passed her a few more napkins and she put them to use. "Was it really her idea?"

"She knew how unhappy Olivia was and wanted to help her." Elliot said simply. "Your mother is an amazing woman, Maureen; she's stronger than anyone I know. She's the one who talked the two of us into it."

"We always wondered—Kathleen and I—if there was something going on with you and Olivia," Maureen said bluntly, her blue eyes locked on him defiantly. "Especially when you and Mom separated."

Elliot sighed and shook his head. "I would never do that," he said firmly, holding her gaze. "Olivia is my partner, and my friend, but I love your mother. I always have, even when we weren't together."

They were both silent for a minute. Elliot began to speak, hesitated, and then continued. "Maureen, I'm so sorry about all of this. I don't know if we would have made the same choice if I'd realized how upset you'd all be. The last thing I ever wanted to do is hurt my family. All we wanted to do was help Olivia, and you've seen how happy she is now."

Maureen, nodded in understanding if not acceptance, dabbed at her eyes again and glanced at her watch. "Shit, Dad, I've got to get back." She jumped up from the table and stepped over to the small sink at the side of the room and examined herself in the mirror above it. She wet one of the napkins and wiped at her face.

"You look fine," said Elliot, standing behind her. She turned to face him and he used a thumb to wipe a bit of mascara off her cheek. "My beautiful little monkey girl," he said softly.

This time the nickname worked. She laughed in spite of herself and swatted at his chest. "I haven't been your monkey girl for a long time, Dad." She earned the nickname because of her propensity for climbing everything when she younger. It had been impossible to keep her in a crib and they'd finally given up and put her mattress on the floor when she was a toddler, fearing she'd give herself a concussion.

"You'll always be my monkey girl," he assured her, and kissing her on the cheek, turned her toward the door. "Get back to work before you get fired."

* * *

><p>That night, Olivia dreamed she was nine months pregnant and due to deliver at any moment. It was so realistic that when she woke, her hands flew to her stomach, checking for the bulge. In the dream, she was begging Dr. Simon to help her induce labour so the new baby could be a donor for August.<p>

Wide awake now, she lay in bed, wondering if her subconscious had just delivered the solution to their situation. She'd read about couples who'd had babies just for this purpose—to save older siblings. She looked over to where Declan lay sleeping next to her, his dark hair tousled and sticking up. Moving over in the bed, she wrapped herself around him in classic spooning position. He stirred in his sleep but didn't wake. She rested her cheek on his t-shirt covered warm back, her mind swimming with ideas. For a sibling to be a full-match, Elliot would have to father the child again, and even then there'd only be a 25% chance. Would he even consider doing it again? Would Declan go along with it? Dec had been far more accepting of Elliot as Augusts' father than she had ever expected, but he hadn't been in the picture when the conception took place.

She wondered how old the baby would have to be to become a donor and resolved to do some research in the morning. It was a crazy idea, but sometimes desperation called for unusual solutions. They were already in this mess up to their necks, how could it get any worse?

In the cold light of day, the idea seemed ludicrous. There was no way could she ask Elliot and Kathy to make that sacrifice again, especially now that their children were aware of the situation. It wouldn't be fair to Declan either. It would take too long anyway; August needed a donor now. Olivia had never been a religious person but she found herself envying the Stablers for their beliefs. It would be a comfort to be able to pray and feel that her pleas would be heard by someone who cared, rather than throwing her angst out into the universe and hope there would be a response. Olivia was used to being a woman of action and being unable to help her daughter in a concrete way was killing her. She hoped that Dr. Simon would be calling with good news soon-before she lost her mind.


	7. Chapter 7

Tension

Elliot pulled his cell phone out of pocket and surreptitiously glanced at the ID on the screen: BLOCKED NUMBER. Frowning, he let it go to voice mail and focused his attention on the young man he was currently interviewing, a veteran of the Iraq war who was one of many who'd been scammed by a man pretending to sell medical equipment. Private Johnson, who'd lost the use of both legs when his transport had encountered a roadside IED outside of Bagdad, had been promised a state-of- the- art wheelchair not typically covered by insurance. After giving the very convincing salesman a hefty down payment, which was promised to be refunded when his Veteran's benefits kicked in, he'd never heard from the man again. Elliot was re-interviewing each veteran who'd been scammed by this particular con artist in hopes of finding out how he'd targeted his victims. So far, the only common link was a social worker at the Brooklyn VA campus and Elliot was beginning to suspect that he might be involved in setting up the scams.

"Thank you, Private Johnson, you've been very helpful," Elliot said at last, standing and extending his hand.

"Are you going to get this bastard?" Johnson asked sullenly from his seat at his battered dining room table. Elliot looked around at the dismal surroundings of the small, one bedroom public housing apartment the young man had been reduced to living in. Johnson had gone into the service at 19 and had been injured before his first tour of duty was over. In addition to being a paraplegic, he was legally blind from a piece of shrapnel that had damaged his optic nerve. He faced a long life of being dependent upon others for most of his needs. If anyone needed –or deserved—every cent of the benefits, it was him.

"Yes," Elliot promised. "I will find this bastard and make sure he pays for what he's done."

As he walked out to his car, he pulled out his phone and listened to the voice mail, excitement rising as he realized it was Dr. Simon. Of course the hospital would have a blocked number. He quickly dialed the number that Simon had left in his message and was pleasantly surprised to hear the deep voice of the hematologist as he answered his line directly.

"Thanks for getting back to me so quickly," he told Elliot. "We have some of the lab results back and I wanted to fill you in."

"Some?" Elliot asked. He'd been under the impression that they'd all be finished at the same time.

"Yes, there was a problem with one of the samples, unfortunately, it was contaminated in the lab and will have to be done over. I'm sorry to put you through this again, but do you think you could get another swab to us as soon as possible?"

"Which one?"

He heard a rustle of paper as the doctor flipped through the reports on his desk. "Let me see, Richard, Elizabeth, Kathleen, Katharine….ok, here it is….Maureen's sample was the problem."

Elliot's heart sank. Of all of the children, it had to be Maureen? He dreaded having to ask her again.

"I'll stop by on my way home and pick up another kit," he promised, already mentally rehearsing how the talk would go. She'd seemed slightly less upset when he'd left her at the lab the evening before, but knowing his daughter, they weren't out of the woods yet. Another request might stir up her negative feelings again. "So, none of the others were a match?" Even as he asked he knew the answer. Simon wouldn't be asking him to have Maureen repeat her test if there had been anyone else.

"Your son, Elliot Jr, matched on 4 out of 6 antigens," Simon told him. "But with August experiencing such mild symptoms, I wouldn't recommend a transplant of anything less than 5 out of 6. The risk of rejection is too great to warrant it at this point. I'd like to keep searching for a more histocompatible donor."

"But down the road, you might consider it?" Elliot asked, feeling a sudden sense of panic. Eli? He was so young, how could they possibly put him through something like that? How could they _not_ if it was Augusts' only chance?

"Possibly," Simon conceded. "If her condition deteriorated and there were no other donors."

Elliot was about to hang up when he thought of one more question. "Have you spoken to Olivia yet?" he asked.

"No, I was going to call her next," Simon answered.

"Let me do it," Elliot said suddenly. "I'll have her call you if she has any questions."

* * *

><p>When Olivia answered her phone, Elliot could hear traffic noises in the background and realized she must be on her way home. He was sitting in his own car outside Johnson's apartment and shook his head at the irony of the two of them talking from their separate vehicles when at one point, at this time of day, they would have been side by side in one. Their days together at SVU seemed so long ago in some ways, and in others, just like yesterday. He was grateful that his friendship with Olivia had survived the changes in their lives, but he'd never doubted that it would. They'd been through too much together—on and off the job—to lose touch.<p>

"I just spoke to Dr. Simon," he told her. "Do you want to wait and call me when you're home?"

"No, no, just let me pull over," she answered. A second later, she was back, breathless and full of questions. "Why did he call you first? What did he say? Why didn't he call me?"

"He was going to, but I offered to do it." Elliot explained. "He called me first because it involved my kids." He summarized his conversation with the hematologist and gave Liv a minute to let it sink in.

"So, little Eli is the closest match?" she asked in a low voice, not sounding any happier about it than he had been.

"Yes, but not enough of a match to consider using him as a donor right now," Elliot explained again. The more he thought about it, the more relieved he was that Simon didn't want to act on using Eli yet. "I'll track Maureen down tonight and get another sample from her."

"Is she going to be okay with that?" Olivia asked. "You said she took it the news pretty hard."

"I talked to her again yesterday and things were a little better," Elliot said, trying to sound more casual than he felt. "I don't think it will be a problem. She wants—they all want— to help August. "

Olivia sighed and was silent for a minute. "El, I'm so sorry that your kids had to be dragged into this." Elliot could hear the level of stress in her voice and wished he was there in person and not on the other end of a phone line.

"Liv, it's not your fault," he said gently. "It's a tough time for all of us, but we'll get through it. How's August feeling?"

"She's okay…she gets tired out easily and she's bored with staying at home all of the time." Dr. Simon had recommended keeping August out of public places as much as possible. With her reduced white cell count, her body was not equipped to deal with even small infections. "She can't understand why Mariclair can't take her to the park so she can play with her friends."

"How are you and Dec holding up?" He asked, glancing at his watch. It was almost 4, and he needed to go back to the office before heading to the hospital and then find Maureen to ask her for another sample. He rubbed his temple, trying to erase the headache that was forming there, a throbbing pain that spoke of too many sleepless nights and tense days.

"We're hanging in there," Olivia paused for a moment. When she spoke, her tone was cautious, hesitant. "Elliot, I had a weird idea this morning."

"Yeah, what was it?" Elliot asked, only half listening. He was trying to remember Maureen's work schedule and wondering if she would answer her phone when he called this time.

"Sometimes….when a family has a sick child who needs a compatible donor….they have another child to be a match…."

Suddenly Elliot was fully engaged again. "What are you saying, Liv?"

"I don't know, just throwing the idea out there. What if they never find a good match for her, Elliot? A full sibling would be her best chance."

Elliot was speechless. The pain in his head felt like it had doubled in proportion in the last few seconds. He didn't even want to think about this idea let alone talk about it.

"I can't believe you're even suggesting this, Liv. Besides the whole ethical issues of having a kid just to use it for spare parts…. everything is different now….we both have our families to consider…Dec would never go along with it…" Elliot realized he was rambling and stopped abruptly. _Is she really considering this?_

"Is it any more ethical to let our daughter suffer for the rest of her life?" Olivia snapped. Before Elliot could even absorb her use of the pronoun "our", she was apologizing. "I'm sorry, Elliot, you're right. I'm just so desperate right now, I'm grasping at anything to give me hope. I need to know she's going to get better." She was crying now, her words choked with sobs.

"Olivia, she will get better. Don't…don't get too far ahead of yourself. We'll find a donor." Even as Elliot uttered the words, he knew how empty they sounded. He talked to Olivia for a few more minutes until he was sure she was okay to drive and then hung up, promising to let her know when he dropped Maureen's sample off again.

Setting the phone down on the seat next to him, he leaned forward until his forehead was touching the steering wheel. Olivia couldn't really expect him to father another child with her, could she? He'd made it clear when they'd conceived August that it was a one-time event. Of course, neither of them could have predicted this situation. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, willing the pain in his temples to go away. His world was crumbling around him and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

* * *

><p>Olivia sat in her car, miles away, in much the same posture. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the back of the seat, trying to compose herself. This was no time to fall apart. Why had she even brought up the subject? She'd done some research on her lunch break and Elliot was right, there were all kinds of ethical issues involved in using a younger sibling as a donor. Medical professionals didn't even agree on at what age a child could give consent or how far a parent could go in making medical decisions that benefited one child over another.<p>

She reached for a tissue from a box on the floor and dried her eyes. Just as she was reaching for the ignition to start the car, her cell phone rang in the tone that she had designated for Mariclair. Heart pounding, she snatched up the phone and answered it with a choked "Hello?"

"Olivia? Are you on your way home?" asked the au pair.

"Yes, is everything okay?" Olivia asked, starting the car. She could be home in five minutes if she didn't get stuck in traffic. Her heart was pounding so hard she imagined it could be heard a block away.

"Everything is fine," Mariclair assured her. "I just wanted to let you know we are almost out of milk. I thought if I could catch you, you could stop on the store and get some."

"Milk?" Olivia repeated weakly, slumping back against the seat.

"Or I could walk down to the corner store after you get home," added Mariclair hastily, interpreting Olivia's odd tone to mean that she was upset with her.

"No, no…I'll stop and get some…I just thought, when you called, that something was wrong…." Her voice trailed off weakly. "Is there anything else we need?"

She hung up the phone and shook her head as if the motion could clear the angry buzz of negative thoughts from her head. _You've got to pull yourself together _she thought as she pulled out into traffic and headed toward home_. You can't fall apart every time the phone rings. You've got to be strong._

To Elliot's surprise and relief, Maureen answered her phone and didn't object when he called to explain about the contaminated sample. She had the evening off and told him he could come by the apartment she shared with Kathleen with the kit. When he arrived, she was fixing herself a light supper and invited her father to join her.

"Where's your sister?" Elliot asked, taking off his jacket and loosening his tie. He'd already called Kathy and told her not to wait dinner for him.

"She has a class tonight; she won't be back until after nine. My one night of peace and quiet." They exchanged a smile. Kathleen was well-known for being the chatterbox of the family.

When he offered to help with the meal prep, his daughter gave him the cutting board and a package of mushroom to slice for their omelets. They worked in companionable silence, Maureen scrambling eggs in a bowl and ripping up spinach leaves to sauté with the mushrooms. She'd been a vegetarian since high school. Elliot had been sure it was just a phase, another way to rebel and annoy her parents, but it had become a permanent way of life for her.

"So, how did they contaminate my sample?" she asked, pulling a loaf of whole grain bread out of the refrigerator.

"I have no idea, but the doctor told me they've been short staffed at the lab lately. Maybe someone was overworked and goofed up. I'm sorry to put you through this again."

"It's not problem, Dad." She said softly. "I really do want to help August if I can. I feel so bad for her—and Olivia and Dec. It must be horrible for them."

Elliot thought back to his earlier conversation with Olivia. "It is hard, for everyone."

"So no one else was a match?"

"Well, Eli was a partial match," he told her. Her eyes widened in concern. "But not close enough that they want to use him at this point; there's too much risk for rejection."

"He's too little, he'd never understand what was going on," Maureen said, frowning. "I hope they don't have to use him, Dad."

"Me too, sweetie." Elliot set the table for two while Maureen finished the omelets. It was a little strange to have his daughter preparing a meal for him, but he liked it. Although he had helped the girls move in, he hadn't spent a lot of time at their apartment. They usually came home for Sunday dinners or met them at church or a restaurant for special occasions. It was small, part of an apartment complex owned by the university and, he was pleased to see, clean and neat.

"So what happens if I'm not a match either?" she asked when they were eating.

"They'll keep looking for a match in the National Donor Registry, I guess. Dr. Simon says her condition isn't serious enough yet to consider alternative treatments. She'd have to be showing a lot more symptoms." His mind went briefly to Olivia's earlier suggestion and he shook his head as if to clear it. Maureen gave him an odd look but didn't comment.

"It's weird to think that we have a little sister," she said after a few minutes of eating in silence. "I keep trying to wrap my head around the fact that she's been our sister all along and we just never knew. I feel like I should have noticed, you know?"

"There was no reason for you to notice," Elliot said gently. He thought of all of the times that he had looked at August and seen his own children, but then, he'd had the advantage of knowing her paternity.

"Kathleen and I were talking—you think about your family in a certain way and then all of a sudden, you find out it's a totally different, not what you thought at all."

"Our family is the same as it's ever been, Maureen." Elliot said firmly, setting down his fork and looking at his daughter. "This doesn't change anything."

"But it does, Dad. It changes everything. I'm not the oldest of five kids; I'm the oldest of six. Maybe you and Olivia and Mom can forget where August came from, but I can't. None of us will. She's related to us, even if you all pretend that she's not."

Elliot stared down at his plate, his appetite suddenly gone. "I'm sorry, sweetie," he sighed, rubbing at his forehead. The throbbing headache was back in full force. "It seemed so simple at the time. We never thought there'd be any reason for anyone to know."

"But don't you see, Dad?" Maureen asked in a quavering voice, on the verge of tears again. "That's the worst part, if this had happened, we never would have known. You would have lied to us for the rest of our lives. I've always trusted you and Mom, but now I feel like…like I don't even know either of you. You always told us we could tell you anything at all and you'd still love us, but you didn't tell _us _everything. And on top of it all, you expect one of us to just give up part of our bodies to help a sister you didn't even tell us we had. It-it just sucks, Dad."

Elliot looked at his daughter helplessly. "I don't know what to say, Maureen, other than I'm sorry. When we decided to do this, we tried to take everything into consideration, but there were so many things we overlooked. I know it's a lot, to ask you to be tested after dropping this bomb on you, but it's important. "

"Don't you see?" she interrupted, her blue eyes, so much like her mother, flashing in anger. "If it's important enough to ask us to donate, it was important enough to tell us in the first place."

"Okay, okay, "Elliot said, holding his hands up in a gesture of defeat. "You're absolutely right, Maureen. We should have told you in the first place. But I can't undo it now. August is here, and she's sick and she needs us. Can we please, please, try to move past this is and focus on what's important?"

Maureen's glare softened but her voice was tight when she spoke. "I'm trying, Dad, I really am. But it's going to take some time."

They finished their meal in silence. Elliot cleared the table and washed the few dishes while his daughter provided another sample for the test kit. The atmosphere was tense and charged. He realized with a pang that things were never going to be the same between the two of them again, and perhaps, all of his children. The best case scenario was that this situation would bring them all closer together, but underlying whatever closure they found, there would always be a memory of betrayal and loss of trust. He rinsed the last dish, put it in the wooden strainer next to the sink and stood there for a moment, gathering his thoughts before saying goodbye to his daughter. There was no going back, just muddling forward and he vowed to himself that he would, somehow, make amends with Maureen and all of his children.


	8. Chapter 8

Results

On the ride home Olivia gave herself a mental prep talk and by the time she arrived at the apartment, she was in better spirits. It wasn't going to help August or anyone else if she became a mental basket case and fell apart. Her daughter needed her to be strong. Elliot was right; one way or another, a donor would be found. In the meantime, she was going to make the best of a bad situation and enjoy every minute with her daughter.

In addition to getting milk, she'd picked up some popcorn. Mariclair had a class that evening and she decided that she, Declan and their daughter would have an old fashioned family movie night on the couch. Some of her best memories of watching the Stabler children involved nights like that. August liked anything with children and music in it and she planned to see what Netflix had to offer.

When Declan came home, she told him her plan. He raised his eyebrows at the idea of their not-quite-three-year-old sitting through a movie that didn't involve cartoon characters, but he was willing to give it a try. Olivia had made a dinner out of all finger foods—chicken fingers (Augusts' favorite food), sweet potato fries (her favorite), fruit and veggies cut into bite-sized pieces with a yogurt sauce for dipping. She pulled out a muffin baking tin for each of them and filled each of the twelve compartments with a different food or dipping sauce and set them out on the coffee table in front of the television, along with a bowl of freshly popped popcorn. Declan laughed out loud and went to the refrigerator for a beer.

August was initially confused that they weren't eating at the table like they usually did, but quickly warmed to the idea. Olivia put the stool she used to stand at the sink brush her teeth next to the coffee table. She quickly sat down and began sampling all of the treats.

"This is fun, Mama," she announced. Olivia ignored the dribbles of catsup landing on the coffee table and picked up the remote.

"Now let's find a movie we can watch," she suggested, trying to navigate her way to the Netflix menu.

"Dora?" August offered hopefully.

Olivia laughed. "No Dora tonight, sweetheart. How about something with singing and dancing instead?"

Declan joined them on the couch with his beer and handed Olivia a glass of wine. "What about "The Sound of Music"?" He took the remote from Olivia and had the correct screen up in seconds.

Olivia looked at him in surprise. "It's my mother's favorite movie," he laughed. "She was always watching it; I think I know it by heart."

"Well, you're just full of surprises, aren't you?" Olivia shrugged. "Let's give it a try. I haven't seen it in years."

He started the movie and soon they were all three engrossed in the exploits of Maria in the convent and then at the Von Trapp mansion. August finished her food and clambered up on the couch between her parents, positioning herself so that her head was in her father's lap and her feet in her mother's. They exchanged a smile over her small form, both of them grateful for this moment of relaxed intimacy when the future was so unknown.

Long before the movie ended, August had fallen asleep, but Olivia and Declan watched until the end.

"That was a good choice," Olivia said softly as the credits rolled. A family that fought for what was important to them was just the right example for their situation. Declan scooped August up to carry her to her bed, humming "My Favorite Things" softly as he walked into her room. Olivia smiled and began cleaning up the remains of their meal. Family movie night had been a success.

* * *

><p>Elliot woke the next morning feeling tense and irritable. The headache from the night before had never fully left him, even though he had taken ibuprofen and relaxed in the Jacuzzi before going to bed. Kathy had squeezed in with him and they cuddled, her back to his chest and as they talked. She was no more pleased than he was about Eli being a potential match, but unlike him, she refused to worry about it until the time came.<p>

"I'm more concerned about Maureen," she sighed. "I spoke to Kathleen earlier and she told me that her sister just can't seem to let this go. It's all she wants to talk about, how we didn't trust her enough to tell her the truth."

"I thought we were protecting them." Elliot replied. In truth, Maureen had hit home with her original comment the afternoon they'd first told them. His primary interest in not telling them _had _been to protect his reputation; he didn't want his children to look at him differently. No matter how much his head told him otherwise, in his heart, having slept with Olivia felt too much like infidelity to him. He didn't want his children to ever think of him the way he had his own father, who'd been a lying, cheating bastard and made little effort to hide it.

"I still think we did the right thing," Kathy answered, running her hand down the length of his leg and leaning back against him. She tipped her head up and kissed the side of his neck. He felt himself growing hard as her movements brought her backside in contact with his groin and smiled. She always knew how to help him relax. "We had no way of knowing that August would get sick. It's all a mess right now, but it will work out."

"What else did Kathleen say? Is she…okay…with it all?" He brought his hands around to cup his wife's breasts, slowing circling her nipples into hard points with his thumbs. She gave a soft moan of pleasure and twisted around to face him, leaning forward so that her wet hair trailed across his chest as she bent her head to take him in her mouth, effectively ending all conversation about their children.

* * *

><p>Now he was at the VA hospital, trying to track down the social worker who seemed to be the only connection between the veterans who'd been scammed out of their money. He stopped by the man's office, only to be told that he was on the floor somewhere, visiting patients. Sighing, he stopped at nearby water fountain and taking two more ibuprofen from his pocket, swallowed them with a sip of the lukewarm water. A passing nurse saw his grimace of distaste and smiled.<p>

"Can I get you something to drink, sir?" She asked. He was required to wear his identifying name tag when in the VA hospital and it seemed to bring out a range of reactions from people. Some, like this woman, went out of their way to be helpful, and others acted like he was a on a witch hunt and they were his next victim.

"That would be great," he said. He'd left the house without anything but coffee, intending to grab something on his way to the office, but he'd been so preoccupied he'd forgotten.

She led him into a small kitchen and opened the refrigerator to show him a variety of small juice containers. He started to reach for an orange juice but switched to apple when he remembered his empty stomach. The three cups of coffee he'd had so far had provided enough acid.

He thanked the thoughtful nurse, and dropping the lid of the juice container into a nearby trash can, headed to the floor where the social worker was supposed to be making rounds.

After half an hour of talking with the social worker, he was convinced this man wasn't his missing link. He'd found him by the bedside of a soldier who'd been burned in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan and was in the hospital for further skin grafts. His hands had been badly damaged when he tried to free a fellow soldier from the wreckage. Glenn Martin was writing down a letter that the soldier was dictating to his grandmother, who was too hard of hearing to talk on the phone.

"Can I help you?" he asked pleasantly when Elliot walked over to the foot of the soldier's bed after a nurse had pointed Martin out.

Elliot introduced himself and asked if he could have a few minutes of his time. After promising the soldier that he'd be back to finish the letter, Martin showed Elliot to a small conference room down the hall. Martin was of medium height, with long, dark blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail. He had a neatly trimmed beard and wore a denim shirt tucked into khaki pants. He looked every bit the stereotypical male social worker. Despite his intentions, Elliot found himself warming to the man. He'd been soft spoken and gentle with the injured soldier, and now gave Elliot his full attention without showing a negative attitude about his "Special Investigator" status. He didn't act like a man with anything to hide, and as Elliot queried him about his clients, he grew convinced that this wasn't his man.

"May I ask, what's your interest in these particular soldiers?" Martin asked after a few minutes. Having had no negative vibes from the man, Elliot decided to come clean.

"All four were victims of a scam, a con artist who bilked them out of money for medical equipment that was never delivered." Elliot explained. "I'm trying to find a common link."

Martin raised his eyebrows as he realized that the Investigator was considering _him_ as that common link. He shook his head sadly. "I haven't had any contact with any of these men since they were discharged from the hospital." He told Elliot. "I'm sorry to hear someone took advantage of them. They don't deserve that after everything they've been through."

"Can you think of any other connection between them?" Elliot asked. "Any VA service all three would have used?"

Martin's brow furrowed as he considered the possibilities. "They had a lot of overlapping services," he admitted. "All four would have received physical and occupational therapy, but I can't imagine anyone in that department…." He tapped at the tabletop with an impatient finger as he thought. "All of their last names are at the end of the alphabet….have you considered someone in billing?"

Elliot stared at the man in surprise. _He_ was the seasoned detective who'd spend the last twenty years investigating crimes and he hadn't made that leap. _Of course!_ Tyler, Urtz, West and Williams: all names at the end of the alphabet.

"Is that how billing is assigned?" Elliot asked, making a note in his flip pad. The social worker nodded.

"It's all alphabetical," he explained. "Kind of like the guidance counselors in schools."

It made sense. A billing clerk would be familiar with the type of injuries a soldier had sustained by looking at the services they'd received but unlike the doctors and therapists who worked directly with the patients, had no personal contact and therefore, would find it easier to rip them off.

"Thank you," Elliot stood and handed Martin one of his cards. "I appreciate your help and if you think of anything else, please give me a call."

Martin rose with him and walked him out to the hall, clearly intending to get back to the soldier he'd be helping earlier. "Thank you, Investigator," he said in return. "I hope you get whoever is behind this. These guys have been through hell in service of their country. The least we can do is protect them now that they're back home."

* * *

><p>Elliot strode down the hall with a new sense of purpose, headache gone. He wanted to get to his office and computer, where he could pull up the records of all four soldiers and look more closely at the billing details. Before he confronted anyone in the maze of beauracracy that was the VA, he wanted to be sure of his facts.<p>

As he neared the entrance to the parking lot, his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. His heart skipped a beat when he saw the now familiar BLOCKED NUMBER on the screen. It was Simon, and it was only 11 am.

"Hello?" he answered, not sure what to expect.

"Mr. Stabler, we've got good news," announced Dr. Simon. Elliot could hear the excitement in his voice. "As unlikely as it is, your daughter Maureen is a perfect match for August, six out of six antigens. When can you get her in here for more testing?"


	9. Chapter 9

Match

Elliot sat down on a bench just outside the hospital and tried to collect his thoughts. Maureen was a perfect match? How was that possible? Even Dr. Simon was amazed; he'd said all along that the odds were astronomically _against_ one of the Stablers being a match. Elliot's had always scoffed at his mother when she talked about things that were "meant to be" but this made him wonder if she'd been right all along.

He was happy and relieved that there was a donor to help August, but part of him wanted to scream at the irony of it all. Maureen, who had the most issues with Augusts' existence, was the one person who could help her. His oldest daughter was in a position to save his youngest. In a bizarre way, he felt like he was being forced to choose between two of his children. He had an irrational desire to grab Maureen and spirit her away to protect her from the madness and chaos that was sure to come in the weeks ahead. How could he ask her to do this, when she was already having such a difficult time processing the situation? How could he not ask her, when August, who was part of all of them, needed her help?

With hands that were shaking slightly, he pulled out his phone to call Kathy and give her the news. Dr. Simon was going to call Olivia and Elliot would need to speak to her soon enough, but right now, his priority was his family.

"Oh, lord." Kathy said faintly when he'd filled her in. "Maureen?"

"I'm not looking forward to telling her," Elliot admitted. "She said she wants to help August, but this may be too much for her right now."

"Do you want me to break the news?" Kathy asked gently. "I just spoke to her on the phone; she's finished with classes for the day and home. I could go over before Eli gets home from school." Kathy had completed a degree in School Counseling the year before and was working part-time at a nearby middle school. Her hours allowed her to be home by the time Eli got off the bus every day.

Elliot wanted nothing more than to pass this job off to someone else. "No," he sighed. "I'm the one she's upset with; I need to be the one to tell her."

"I'm sorry, babe," Kathy told him. "If it's any consolation, she was in a pretty good mood when I talked to her. She was still muttering about how we didn't trust her, but you know your daughter, it takes her awhile to back down on anything."

Unfortunately, Elliot knew all too well how determined his daughter could be when she made her mind up about something.

"It's wonderful news for August," Kathy added. "Olivia must be over the moon. What did she say?"

"I haven't talked to her yet," Elliot admitted. "I wanted to call you first, and I should probably talk to Maureen and get an idea of how she feels before talking to Olivia." He promised to call Kathy as soon as had informed their daughter and hung up.

He remained sitting on the bench for a few minutes, running over the next steps in his head. His lead in the scamming case would have to wait; he needed to get in touch with Maureen and let her know the news. Olivia would want her at the hospital to be tested as soon as possible. Even though August was in no immediate danger, the sooner she received a transplant, the better her chances for a full recovery. He called his office and left word that he was leaving for the day and would be in late tomorrow. He was totally oblivious to the curious glances of people passing by who wondered about a handsome man in a nice suit, with a badge that read "Special Investigator" pinned to the lapel, sitting on a bench outside of a hospital, looking as though his world had just crumbled apart.

* * *

><p>Olivia hung up her phone and jumped up from her desk, so happy and excited she couldn't contain herself. She was alone in the Computer Crimes squad room and there wasn't anyone there that she felt comfortable sharing this news with anyway. Being a detective in the Special Victims Unit had felt like being part of a family; here, it was just a job. Everyone was pleasant to work with but crimes on paper perpetuated from a distance didn't tend to have the same emotional pull that working directly with victims of violent crime did. The SVU team had bonded because of the pain they dealt with on a daily basis and the need to have each other's backs. Those conditions didn't exist in this unit and she didn't have more than a passing acquaintance with most of her co-workers.<p>

She picked up her phone and then hesitated—should she call Elliot or Declan? Declan would want to know how soon Maureen could be tested. Only Elliot could tell her that. She speed dialed his cell, but it went right to voice mail. He must be on his phone.

She tried Declan next but to her frustration, got his voice mail as well. If she didn't share this news with someone, she was going to explode. She left him a message to call her as soon as he could, stressing that everything was fine but she needed to talk to him.

A second call to Elliot went straight to voice mail as well. She hoped he was talking to Maureen and making plans to get her to the hospital for the necessary testing as soon as possible. Her excitement faded a bit as she thought about how difficult this must be for him but she refused to feel guilty. Yes, it was a complicated situation, but the stakes were high here—her daughter's life.

As she was pacing the floor of the squad room, unable to leave until one of her colleagues returned, her cell phone rang. It was Declan.

"Honey, we've got a match!" She practically shouted into the phone without any preliminaries. "Maureen is a perfect match. "

"Seriously?" The relief in his voice was palpable. "That's amazing. What happens now?"

"Dr. Simon said that they needed Maureen to come in for blood work and a physical and to go over the procedures and risks with her to get her consent." Olivia explained. "I haven't been able to get in touch with Elliot, so I don't know if Maureen even knows yet. But if all goes well, they could do the transplant within a week."

Olivia was busy working out details in her mind as she spoke to her husband. She'd ask for an extended leave as soon as Captain Johnson returned; August would need to be in the hospital for a week before and several weeks after the transplant. First, they would use chemotherapy to kill of the diseased cells and weaken her immune system so her body was less likely to reject the transplanted cells. Olivia dreaded this process. Dr. Simon had already warned her that the chemo would have harsh side effects, but the more prepared or "conditioned" her body was before the transplant, the better the outcome.

When August was ready, they would harvest bone marrow from Maureen and infuse it into August through a catheter in her chest. Barring complications, Maureen could go home the next day, but August would remain in the hospital for weeks in isolation while the new cells had time to take hold and regenerate into healthy bone marrow. During this period, she would receive transfusions of blood and platelets until her body was producing them on its own. She'd also probably needed infusions of growth hormones to speed up the development of the new bone marrow. Overall, she'd be a very sick little girl for about six weeks, but once the transplant took hold—and Olivia refused to even consider the possibility that it wouldn't—she'd be back on the road to a normal life.

"I think we need to celebrate tonight," said Declan. "Do you think we could risk taking her out to Meloni's for dinner? We could ask for our table in the corner and she could wear a mask except when she's eating." Meloni's was the restaurant in Little Italy they had frequented while dating and where their wedding had been held. It was their place for special celebrations.

Olivia laughed. Dr. Simon had given August some of the paper masks that covered the nose and mouth to prevent germs spreading, like the ones the doctors and nurses wore in the hospital, except that these were child-sized and covered with Disney characters. August loved to wear them around the house and pretend she was a doctor.

"I think those are designed to keep from spreading germs, not keeping germs away, but she'll probably want to wear it anyway. Dinner is a great idea. I'll call for a reservation and let Mariclair know so they can be ready. I can leave here as soon as Captain Johnson gets back from his meeting."

They agreed that Dec would meet them at the restaurant at six. Olivia hung up feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. This journey was far from over, but at least there was an end in sight.

* * *

><p>Maureen opened her apartment door, saw her father and rolled her eyes. "What, are you stalking me now?" She asked. "This is three days in a row, Dad. I haven't seen you this much in months." There was a sparkle in her blue eyes that belied her stern tone and she looked much more relaxed than she'd been the night before.<p>

"I have news." He told her and she stepped back to let him in, a concerned look on her face.

"Is August okay?" He nodded and stepped past her into the small living room where Kathleen was stretched out on the couch, wearing a pair of cropped sweat pants and a camisole that read "Hudson University" across the front. When he stepped into her line of sight, she removed the earphones of her iPod and sat up.

"Dad!" she exclaimed, jumping up to give him a hug. What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to Maureen," he said, turning back to his older daughter.

"Do I need to leave?" asked Kathleen, frowning.

"No," said Maureen firmly. "Whatever he has to say, you can hear too."

Elliot sat down in the worn armchair that had once resided in their family room before the girls had raided the house for furniture when they moved out on their own. Kathleen sat back down on the couch and Maureen perched on the armrest next to her. They both looked at their father expectantly.

"The test results came back." Elliot said, looking directly at Maureen. "You're a perfect match for August."

His oldest daughter's eye widened with surprise but she didn't say a word. Elliot watched as she began worrying her bottom lip with her front teeth, a habit she'd had since childhood when she was concentrating.

"Holy shit!" said Kathleen. "Does this mean 'Reen has to have an operation?"

"It's up to her," said Elliot softly, looking at his daughter. Maureen slipped off the arm of the couch and onto the cushions, nudging her sister over so she'd make room.

"What choice do I have?" She said after a few minutes. Her tone was flat. "How could I possibly say no?"

Elliot shrugged. "It's your body, Maureen. No one can force you." He tried to keep his tone as noncommittal as he could. He didn't want to influence her decision.

His daughter's eyes flashed in a burst of anger. "Oh, right! I say no and then your _other_ daughter never gets better. You and Olivia would never forgive me."

Elliot flinched at her emphasis. Before he could say anything, Maureen was continuing, her voice much softer now. "I'm sorry, Dad. Of course, I'll do it, I want to help her. None of this is Augusts' fault."

Ignoring the implied blame on—who? Him? Olivia? Kathy? All of them? -Elliot said, "You should probably take some time to think about it, to be sure this is what you want. There's a lot involved."

She tipped her chin up in a defiant gesture that he recognized well. "I know what's involved, Dad. I've been doing some research of my own. I had already decided I'd do it if I was a match."

Kathleen had been sitting on the couch, quiet for a change, watching as they volleyed back and forth.

"How is Maureen even a match?" she asked. "I thought the doctors said it wasn't likely that any of us would be, because we're not her _full _siblings." Again, a carefully place emphasis: it was going to be a long time before his children came to terms with this situation.

Elliot raised his hands in a helpless gesture to indicate he didn't know. "The odds were against it, that's for sure. Grandma Stabler would have said it's a miracle; that it was "meant to be". "

"So, what's next?" Maureen asked. "What do I need to do?"

Elliot looked at her, trying to determine if she was really in the right frame of mind to be making this decision. She seemed calm and collected and as if she really had spent time thinking about it. Whatever her issues were with him, he was glad she was able to set them aside to do what was right for August.

"The hospital needs you to come in for some tests." He said. "They need to do blood work, an EKG, a complete physical. They can do it all tomorrow morning if you can go then. I can take you."

"I can go tomorrow." Maureen said, and with that defiant tilt of her chin, added "But I'd like Olivia to take me."

"Olivia?" Elliot questioned, stunned by this unexpected response. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted his feisty daughter to have the opportunity to grill Olivia about the details of Augusts' conception.

"Yes, Olivia." She stated firmly. "You keep saying that August is _her_ daughter, not yours. If I'm going to help _her_ daughter, _she_ can take me for the testing."


	10. Chapter 10

Testing

Olivia stared across the room at Elliot's daughter, not quite sure how to respond. When he called last night to say that Maureen wanted _her_ to take her for the required testing, her first reaction was elation that Maureen was willing to go through with being the donor. She'd scoffed at Elliot's concerns that Maureen had ulterior motives but to appease him had promised that she wouldn't, under any circumstance, reveal any details of how August was conceived.

Of all of the Stabler children, Olivia felt as though she knew Maureen the least. She'd heard plenty of stories from Elliot in the early years of their partnership when he and Kathy were struggling with her rebellious teenage years, but by the time she really to know the family, Maureen was already out of the house. Of the two older girls, Kathleen was the one she was closest to, but Maureen was nothing like her sister.

Now it appeared that Elliot was right. The girl had been making needling remarks since Olivia had picked her up that morning to drive her to the hospital.

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked, pretending she hadn't heard the most recent question in an effort to buy more time.

"How exactly did my father donate sperm so you could get pregnant?" Maureen repeated from where she sat perched on the end of the exam table. There was a glint of amusement in her blue eyes, as if she was enjoying making Olivia squirm.

Olivia held her gaze and said in the coolest tone she could manage: "Oh, you know…I handcuffed him to a cot in the crib and Fin and Munch helped me get a sample."

Maureen burst out laughing, a sound that reminded her so much of Elliot that Olivia almost shivered. "Good one, Olivia." She said dryly when she stopped laughing. "No, really, how did it happen? Turkey baster? "

"Does it matter?" Olivia asked, fixing the young woman with the stare she used to break recalcitrant perps.

"Does it matter?" Maureen scoffed. "We've all wondered for years about you and Dad, it would be nice to know if our new "sister" is your love child."

Olivia sighed and shook her head: _This old crap again! If I had a nickel for every time I've been accused of having an affair with Elliot…_

"I've never met a man as devoted to his family as your father." She said, slowly and calmly. "There has _never_ been any kind of romantic relationship between us. He loves your mother. The rest is none of your business. Biologically, August is your sister. That's all you need to know."

They were engaged in an exchange of angry glares when a nurse knocked at the door and entered the room, wheeling a machine behind her.

"I'm sorry for the delay," she said. "The EKG machine was in use. Let me get you hooked up and get this last test done and then you'll be out of here."

Maureen had already had blood drawn and a physical by the doctor and insisted that Olivia remain present for all of it. It was almost as if she wanted Olivia to see how much she had to go through so she'd appreciate her contribution. Right now, the only think Olivia could appreciate was a break from this girl and the tension.

"I'll be waiting outside," she said, standing up and moving to the door before Maureen could protest. Outside, she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, taking deep, calming breaths. She would _not _lose her temper with the only person who could save her daughter.

* * *

><p>"Everything okay, Olivia?"<p>

She opened her eyes to see Dr. Simon standing in front of her looking concerned.

"Oh hi …yes, I'm fine." She pasted what she hoped was a convincing smile on her face. "Just taking a breather." She nodded toward the exam room. "Maureen is having an EKG. "

"Good," Simon said. "I was just checking to see how her tests were going. When she's finished, I'll review the procedures with her and have her sign the consent forms."

"When do you want to admit August?" Olivia asked, feeling both hope and dread at the prospect.

"I'll know more after I talk to Ms. Stabler," the doctor promised, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Olivia nodded and watched as he walked away back down the hall, the tails of his white coat flapping behind his imposing figure. He was a tall man, but carried himself lightly as if the job he did was not one that had the potential to break his heart several times a day. His calm demeanor inspired confidence; she was very glad he was the man in charge of her daughter's care.

* * *

><p>Not surprisingly, Maureen wanted Olivia to sit in on the session with Dr. Simon. By then, Olivia had regained her composure by reminding herself, again, of how difficult this situation was for Elliot's children. Not only was Maureen dealing with finding out about a sibling she never knew existed; she was faced with have to help the very person she resented.<p>

"Sure," said Olivia, giving her a warm smile. "His office is down the hall, let's go find him."

Simon sat them down at a table and reviewed, in exhaustive detail, what would be involved in donating bone marrow. He showed them a video. Olivia winced at some of the pictures and descriptions of procedures, but Maureen never flinched. It was obvious that once the girl made up her mind to do something there would be no back pedaling or second thoughts.

Maureen would be admitted to the hospital and put under general anesthesia while they extracted the marrow from four different spots on her pelvic bones. Barring complications, she'd go home the next morning and would be able to return to normal activities as soon as she felt up to it, usually only a day or two. She might feel some pain in her lower back for a week or two after the procedure but given her age and excellent state of health, Dr. Simon predicted it would be even shorter. There was no lasting impact of donating marrow; her body would replenish what was taken in six weeks.

Olivia was a bit resentful when she thought how different the process would be for August. Maureen, who was old enough to understand what was happening, would have only a small amount of discomfort and a short hospital stay. There was no way to explain to a toddler that the horrible things being done to her were to make her feel better in the long run. She sighed, and Maureen gave her a sharp look, as if reading her mind. Olivia realized it was a good thing that the donor's experience was relatively painless—otherwise, who would ever donate?

"Do you have any questions?" Dr. Simon asked Maureen at the end of his prepared speech. "I know I've thrown a lot at you at once."

Maureen shook her head. "Only one—when can we do it? The sooner the better for Augusts' sake, right?"

Simon nodded. "August will have to go through more preparation than you will, I'm afraid. She'll have to be admitted and given a round of chemo to kill off her diseased marrow. That will take a week to ten days."

"Perfect timing," said Maureen, with a determined tilt of her chin. "School is on break in exactly one week. Let's do it."

Olivia talked to Dr. Simon alone after the forms were signed.

"We can admit August Monday morning ," he told her. "Ms. Stabler seems like a remarkable young woman and an excellent candidate to be a donor. We were very fortunate that to have found such a good match."

* * *

><p>"Where can I take you now?" Olivia asked when they exited the hospital. "Back to your apartment? Do you have classes?"<p>

"I'd like to see August." Maureen announced. Olivia looked at her in surprise.

"Why?" she asked gently.

"I haven't seen her since I found out that she's my sister." Her blue eyes, so much like Elliot's, were steady as they looked at Olivia. There was no more anger or resentment; she seemed to have left that behind when she signed the papers in the hospital. "I'd just like to see her," she added in a low voice, as if she didn't want to admit her vulnerability. "If I'm going to give her part of my body, I'd like to get to know her a little better."

The two women stared at each other for a long moment. Olivia could see that Maureen wasn't going to back down, and really, what was the harm?

"Then I guess you should come back to the apartment with me for lunch," she said lightly. "She'll be thrilled to have company; she's bored to death with staying home all of the time."

Maureen spent the afternoon at the apartment, playing with August and talking to Mariclair. She had the same easy style with August that all of the Stabler children had with Eli—a good-natured patience and enthusiasm. Olivia could see that there were benefits to having children spaced so far apart.

August had only met Maureen on a few occasions but took to her immediately, climbing into her lap with a book and her stuffed dog. Maureen took the dog from her hand to examine it and then looked at Olivia. "Eli had one just like this when he was little."

Olivia nodded. "He gave it to August when she was a baby. She won't sleep without it."

"He called him "Goggy"."

"So does she." Olivia smiled.

Maureen looked down at the little girl in her lap and Olivia wondered if she was searching for a family resemblance. With the two of the so close together, there were some subtle similarities but she didn't think they'd be apparent to a casual observer. Maureen took the stuffed dog and wiggled it in front of Augusts' face, making him talk in a gruff voice.

"What's for lunch, little girl? I'm hungry!"

August giggled and snuggled in closer to her.

* * *

><p>Elliot called in a panic when he couldn't get through to Maureen on her cell phone.<p>

"Did everything go okay at the hospital?" he asked. "Where is she?"

Olivia took the phone into the bedroom and closed the door. Mariclair, Maureen and August were at the dining room table, attempting to play a game of Candyland.

"She's here at the apartment," she told Elliot. "She asked to come back and see August." She filled Elliot in on the events of the day, including his daughter's probing and indelicate questions.

"What did you tell her?" Elliot asked. She could hear the concern in his voice.

"That the details were none of her business. She's been fine since we left the hospital though; she dropped the entire attitude once she signed the consent papers."

"That's how's she been ever since we told them," he sighed. "Biting my head off one minute and fine the next."

"I'm sure it's a lot to deal with," Olivia commented. She opened the door a crack and looked at the trio at the table. Maureen was helping August count out the number of squares she could move. "She's really good with kids, Elliot. August adores her."

"Is this what you want, Olivia? For August to have a relationship with all of them? Kathy and I have no idea how we should handle it at this point. Lizzie keeps asking about August too. I don't think she's willing to let it drop."

"I don't know if we have a choice, El." She watched as Mariclair took her turn, counting the numbers out in Portuguese as August and Maureen repeated the words after her. "Um, dois, tres, quatro…" "They seem to have decided for us."


	11. Chapter 11

Connections

"It went very well; you should be able to see her in about an hour."

Dr. Simon came out of the operating room, removing his latex gloves as he relayed the news. He still wore a surgical cap and gown, but the look of satisfaction in his warm brown eyes was clear. He had what he needed to help August.

Kathy and Elliot had been waiting for about an hour in the small room outside of the O.R. where Maureen was undergoing the bone marrow extraction. Their stubborn daughter had insisted that they didn't need to be present, but they'd used her own tactics and simply ignored her, showing up at 7 am to drive her to the hospital. She'd rolled her eyes in typical Maureen fashion, but had been pleased to see them.

Elliot stood up and shook the doctor's hand. He still felt pulled between the needs of both of his daughters and knowing that Maureen was out of danger was an incredible relief.

"The nurses will call you when she is awake enough to see you." Simon told them. "You have plenty of time to go get a cup of coffee and come back."

The Stablers looked at each other.

"Let's go see if Olivia needs a break," suggested Kathy. August had been in the hospital for over ten days now, and her parents and Mariclair had been staying with her around the clock to give her some stability during this difficult period.

They made their way to the pediatric wing where August was in a room by herself. To prepare her for the transplant it was necessary to kill her off her diseased marrow with chemotherapy, which left her temporarily with no immune system of her own to fight off germs. Everyone who went into the room had to wear a gown, booties, and mask. Because of this, her visitors were restricted. Kathy, Elliot and the girls had all offered to take shifts staying with her, but Olivia and Declan had insisted they could handle it themselves.

When they arrived at her room, they could see August asleep in the big hospital bed, looking tiny and frail. Olivia was sitting in a chair next to her bed, flipping through a magazine. When Elliot tapped gently on the window of the door, she startled, and then turned to see who was there. With a tired smile, she stood and made her way to the door and stepped outside. The blue of the protective mask accentuated the dark circles under her eyes.

"How did Maureen's procedure go?" she asked, pulling the mask off. She looked exhausted.

"Good, "Kathy told her. "She's in recovery now but we won't be able to see her for an hour or so. " She put a gentle hand on Olivia's arm. "Liv, you look like hell. Why don't you let one of us stay with August while you get some sleep?"

"Gee, thanks," Olivia quipped weakly. She looked back at her daughter in the bed. "She did just fall asleep and she should be out for a few hours. I've been here since last night, usually Mariclair comes in the morning to take over but she had a class she couldn't miss. She should be here in an hour or so."

"Go." Elliot said firmly. "Go home and get some sleep. One of us can stay here and one can go be with Maureen when she wakes up. You're not going to do her any good if you wear yourself out and get sick, Liv."

"I know." She sighed. "If you really don't mind, I _am_ exhausted. Usually I can get some sleep when I'm here with her at night, but she had a bad night last night. She's been so nauseous from the chemo and it makes her irritable."

"Poor little tyke," Kathy murmured, looking through the door at the sleeping child. If it was hard for her to see her like this, she could only imagine how Liv and Dec felt.

Olivia removed the protective clothing and stuffed them into the hamper next to the door. She showed them where the supplies were to outfit themselves before going in and the sink for hand washing. "Don't let the nurses wake her up," she cautioned. "I always tell them I'll come get them when she's awake if they need to do anything. They're so busy and they want to keep on top of everything, but she needs her sleep too. "

After a few more instructions and a last look at her sleeping daughter, Olivia headed down the hall to the elevators. She looked as tired as Elliot had ever seen her, and they'd pulled many all-nighters together in their years at SVU.

"What do you want to do?" Elliot asked Kathy. She looked at him, frowning slightly as she thought.

"I didn't want to say anything in front of Liv, but there's been a nasty virus going around school. I feel fine, but I don't want to risk passing it on to August. Why don't you go sit with her and I'll go wait with Maureen."

Elliot nodded, and headed to the sink to wash his hands. When he had finished the requisite two minutes, following the procedures posted over the small sink, Kathy helped him into the protective clothing. Before looping the mask over his ears, she gave him a quick kiss.

"You look like a surgeon," she laughed as she put the mask in place. "Kind of sexy, Dr. Stabler."

He rolled his eyes but she could tell that he was smiling behind the mask. "Let me know how Maureen is doing," he told her. "Text me, I'll keep my phone on vibrate so it doesn't wake August up." As instructed, he'd placed his phone in a plastic bag and sealed it, which allowed him access to the screen and keyboard without exposing August to any of the germs that could be carried on it.

"I will," Kathy promised and with one last look and grin at him in his outfit, she left to go be with their oldest daughter.

Elliot let himself into Augusts' room as quietly as he could and moved over to the bed, looking down at her sleeping figure. She looked lost in the single bed, curled up in a ball in the center, clutching her stuffed dog. Her brown hair was tousled and tangled and she looked thinner than when he had last seen her. Olivia had told them that the chemo to destroy her marrow left her feeling queasy and it was a struggle to get her to eat anything. He felt a lump rise in his throat and he stepped away to stand in front of the one wall that was all glass so the room could easily be observed from the nursing station. He watched the activity of the busy floor, nurses and aides bustling in and out of rooms and thought about the events that had led to them here. Who could have predicted that a simple desire to help a friend could end up in such a complicated mess? They'd thought that once Olivia had the baby she so desperately wanted they'd all live happily ever after.

Elliot gave a small snort of derision at how foolish they'd been. For all of their planning and trying to anticipate every problem, nothing had gone as they'd expected. What was meant to be a private arrangement among the three of them was now common knowledge to, well more people than Elliot cared to think about.

It hadn't been all bad. Declan had accepted the situation with grace and was an amazing father. He and Elliot had developed a cautious friendship over the past few years. Elliot wasn't so sure he'd have been as accepting if the situation had been reversed. And, despite their initial negative reactions, his kids had come around with amazing speed and were embracing the idea of having another sibling. He glanced over his shoulder to the wall over Augusts' bed that was decorated with cards and pictures that his children had made and sent. It had never been the plan to be one big extended family, but that's how it was turning out. Eli, at six, was too young to understand the implications, but even he was referring to August as his sister now.

"Daddy?' August murmured in a sleepy voice and for a brief moment Elliot felt his heart freeze in his chest at the name he'd never expected to hear from this child. He realized almost immediately that, from the back, she must think he was Declan. He turned slowly around, intending to reassure her that her mother or father would be back soon, but as he approached the bed, he saw that she was already asleep again. He sat down in the chair next to her bed and reached for the small hand that was stretched out closest to him. _My baby_. Her fingers tightened around his and that was how he remained, stroking his thumb over the back of her fist, until Mariclair arrived half an hour later.

* * *

><p>He found Kathy sitting by Maureen's beside in the small recovery room. Their daughter was groggy but awake.<p>

"Hey, monkey," he said as he bent to give her a kiss. "I hear everything went well. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine." She answered, shaking her head at the nickname but smiling anyway. "Just sleepy."

"They gave her something for pain," Kathy told him. "She'll be moved to a room as soon as they have one ready."

"I don't see why I have to stay overnight." Maureen grumbled sleepily. "I feel fine."

"It's just a precaution, sweetie." Kathy told her. "Let them pamper you for a bit. You've earned it."

"I'm really proud of you for doing this," Elliot stood at the side of the gurney and took her hand. He was still feeling emotional from his time with August and felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes. He _was_ proud of his oldest daughter for being so willing to give of herself to help a sister she'd only known about for a short time. "It's a good thing you're doing." Maureen and Kathy both looked at him in surprise, unaccustomed to displays of sentiment from him.

"How's August doing?" Maureen asked. Her eyelids were drifting close as she unsuccessfully fought off sleep.

"She's still sleeping." Elliot replied, more to Kathy than his daughter who was now snoring lightly. "She woke up once but fell right back asleep."

"She wasn't upset that Olivia was gone?" Kathy asked.

"No, I think she thought I was…" he started to say "her father" and quickly revised his words "Declan."

"Well, it will all be over soon." Kathy looked at their sleeping daughter and back up at her husband. "Dr. Simon stopped in and said that they'd be able to start transfusing August tomorrow."

"That's great!" Elliot exclaimed, his mind going back to the tiny form in the bed. It would be good to see her up and playing again, chasing the big kids—her siblings—around the yard.

He put Maureen's hand gently down on the bed and went to sit with his wife, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. He rested his chin on top of her head. "It's been a wild ride, these past few weeks," he said softly.

"It certainly has," she agreed, resting her head against his shoulder. They both watched their daughter sleep, enjoying the few minutes of calm before the storm, knowing that for, for now at least, all was as well as it could be in their newly expanded family. August, and by extension, Olivia, Declan and even Mariclair were now inextricably woven into what had once been an insular unit. Whatever the future was going to bring, they would all be dealing with it together.


	12. Chapter 12

Confrontation

The next morning, Elliot went to pick Maureen up from the hospital. Kathy had planned to go along, but Eli was home sick with a stomach bug. When he got to her room, the bed was empty and an overnight bag was on the bedside chair. There was no sign of his daughter

"Oh, Dr. Simon is running late on rounds and won't be able to discharge her for another half an hour," the nurse at the desk told him. "So she decided to go over to Peds to see her sister."

Her sister? It gave him a jolt to hear this, but of course, the nurse knew nothing of their odd situation. He thanked her and made his way to Augusts' room where he found Maureen standing outside, watching through the window as Olivia and a nurse wrestled with the wailing toddler over an unwanted procedure.

"It's so hard to see her like this," Maureen whispered as Elliot walked up. He put his arm around her shoulder and she leaned into his side as they watched together. The nurse was trying to flush the IV port that had been placed in Augusts' chest a week ago for the chemo and the coming transfusion of stem cells. It didn't look like a painful procedure but the toddler wanted nothing to do with it, kicking and screaming whenever the nurse tried to approach her with the syringe of water. They could see Olivia trying to reason with her and finally give up to wrap her in her arms and hold her tight so the nurse could proceed. Elliot wished he could be in there to help, but by the time he got suited up, it would be too late. Besides, it wasn't him that August wanted. His presence wouldn't offer her comfort; he was no more than an acquaintance to her, just "Uncle El".

"It is hard," Elliot agreed. "I wish I could just scoop her up and take her someplace safe so she never had to go through any of this. "

Maureen looked at him in surprise. "So, you do care about her," she said softly. "That's the part I can't wrap my mind around, Dad. It doesn't seem like you to have a kid and just give her up."

Elliot looked at her daughter appraisingly. Had this been behind her attitude all along? Did she wonder what it would take to make him give up one of them? "Of course, I care." He said slowly, choosing his words. "It hasn't been easy, to know that's she's mine and I have no claim to her. It's been one of the hardest parts of all of this. I have to trust that Olivia and Declan love her and will take care of her. It's what we agreed to do."

"Do you ever wish she could just be part of our family?" Maureen asked in a wistful tone. Unlike Kathleen, who'd been horrified when she found out that Kathy was pregnant with Eli at the age of forty, Maureen had been thrilled about having a new baby in the family. She had a great rapport with her youngest brother and Elliot had no doubt that she'd be a great mother when she was ready.

Elliot thought back to the day before, when he'd sat holding Augusts' hand while she slept and the flood of emotions he'd experienced when he thought she'd called him "daddy".

"Yes, "he said softly, "sometimes I do wish I could just take her home to be part of our family. But you have to understand, honey, I have no claim over her, none at all. Declan is her legal father. Even if I wanted to claim custody, I couldn't." He felt it was important for Maureen to understand the whole situation; that it wasn't a decision he could make even if that was what he wanted. And really, it _wasn't_ what he wanted, as much as he felt that biological tug at times. He knew August was happy with Olivia and Declan and belonged with them.

There was a sound behind them. The two Stablers turned to see Declan standing in the doorway, staring at Elliot with a stricken look on his face. Elliot wondered how much of their conversation he'd heard and his face blanched. Taken out of context, that last line would have sounded terrible.

"Maureen," he said, putting his hand on the small of her back and pushing her gently but firmly to the door. "Why don't you go down to your room and wait for Dr. Simon? You don't want to miss him and get stuck here even longer. I'll be down in a minute."

For once, Maureen didn't argue. She flashed Declan an uneasy smile and hurried out of the room.

"Dec," Elliot began, but before he could get out another word, the younger man had moved forward until he was practically in his face.

"She. Is. Not. Your. Daughter." Declan hissed, his face red with anger.

Elliot took a step back. "Dec, you only heard part of that conversation. I think you misunderstood…"

"I didn't misunderstand anything," he growled. "And if you think you're going to make trouble and try to take my daughter away from me, you're crazy. It's not going to happen, Stabler."

There was a tap on the window and the two men turned to see Olivia on the other side, looking at them with a puzzled look on her face. "What's going on?" she mouthed.

Elliot sighed and turned back to Declan. "That's NOT what I meant." He tried again. "I was trying to answer some of…"

Declan stepped forward again, and with his open palms, shoved Elliot in the chest. "I said back off, Stabler. "

Elliot was stunned. He'd never known Declan to be anything but calm and easy going. Now there was a wild look in his eye as he glared at Elliot. He resisted the urge to shove him back—_Who in the hell does he think he is? _–and raised his hands in surrender.

"No problem, man. " He said lightly. He could only imagine the stress the younger man was under and realized this wasn't the time to press the issue. Hopefully he could straighten out the misunderstanding when August was better and things were calmer.

Seeing the shove, Olivia came to the door and opened it a crack. "What is going on out here?" she hissed. "Declan, your daughter wants you."

The sound of his wife's voice seemed to break the spell. Declan shook his head as if trying to erase his anger. . "I need to get in there," he mumbled, to no one in particular, taking a step toward the sink and the gowns. "I need to be with _my_, "and here, he threw a glare in Elliot's direction, "family."

Olivia gave Elliot a puzzled look. He shrugged and raised his hands as if to indicate he didn't know what was going on either. Olivia frowned, and called softly to Dec "She's been asking for you all morning, babe. She didn't want the nurse to touch her until you got here."

"I'll be right in," Dec said tersely. He stared down into the sink as he scrubbed his hands, ignoring the fact that Elliot was still in the room. Elliot could see the tension in his shoulders and back.

"I'm going to go get Maureen discharged and take her home," he said lightly. Declan didn't look up. "We'll check in later and see how things are going, okay?"

Declan didn't respond. Elliot left the area, wondering what the hell had just happened. Olivia had never mentioned anything about her husband having a temper. Sure, if he walked in on just the end of his conversation with Maureen it wouldn't have made sense, but wouldn't a reasonable person take the time to listen to his explanation?

* * *

><p>As Elliot was waiting for the elevator and wondering how he could have handled things differently, he heard his name being called. Olivia was running down the hall. He let the elevator go and turned to wait for her.<p>

"What happened back there with Dec?" she asked when she caught up to him. She looked a little more rested than the day before, but not by much. She'd taken off the protective mask but still wore the gown and booties. Her hair was pulled back into an untidy pony tail and she wore little make up.

"I'm not sure," Elliot said. He put his hand on her back and ushered her over to the bench across from the elevators. "He walked in on the end of a conversation between Maureen and I. I don't know how much he heard, but he took it out of context and got mad."

"Maureen was here? I didn't even see her."

"Yes, she came up to see how August was doing. I came up to find her, and we were talking."

"About what?" Olivia asked.

Elliot hesitated. This was so awkward. "About August, and if I ever regretted….giving her up."

"What did you say?" Her tired brown eyes were steady on his. This was the elephant in the room; the subject they never talked about.

"I was honest with her. I told her it was hard at times, but I knew she belonged with you and Dec. At the point when Dec walked in, I was saying I had no legal claim on her, that Dec was her father. I think he misunderstood because he started yelling about how August wasn't my daughter and he wasn't going to let me take her away."

Olivia sighed and was silent for a minute. "He's having a really hard time with all of this, El. It kills him to see her hurting and not be able to do anything about it. I think he resents that it was you, through one of your kids, who was able to help her in the end, when he couldn't. And…" she hesitated for a minute, staring at the floor. "I've never told you this before, but Dec has a problem with depression. He's on medication and he usually does fine, but he's not sleeping well and under stress and…well, he's just not himself."

"Not himself how?" Elliot asked in concern. "Is he taking this out on you, Liv?"

She looked up at him in alarm. "No, never. He's a gentle man, he really is. He's just irritable and mad at the world right now, that's all."

Elliot looked her for a long moment, trying to assess if she was telling him everything. Olivia was so damned independent and always determined to solve problems on her own. "You'd tell me if there was a problem?" he asked at last.

She looked him in the eye and said softly, "You'd be the first to know, El."

They sat there for a few minutes longer. Olivia rested her head against the wall behind her and closed her eyes. Elliot reached out for her hand and held it loosely, wishing he could carry some of the weight of this situation for her.

"What should I do about Declan?" he asked at last. "Should I try to talk to him and straighten out what he thinks he overheard?"

Olivia thought for a moment. "No, let me talk to him first. I think when he calms down, he'll realize he overreacted. And I'm going to make his call his doctor today and see about a prescription for sleeping pills. He's got to get some rest. After so many years on SVU, I'm used to grabbing a few hours here and there and getting by, but he's never been able to do that. Not sleeping can make depression worse, I think."

After a minute they both rose. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked her full in the face so that their eyes locked. "Please let me know if I can do anything to help, Liv. Not just because I'm Augusts' biological father, but because I … care …about all of you. You guys don't have to go through this alone. We all want to help. And if you want me to talk to Dec, just tell me."

Olivia nodded, her brown eyes welling with tears. "Thank you, El. I appreciate everything you've all done, I really do. What Maureen is doing is the best gift anyone could give us."

They hugged briefly and then Olivia pulled away, wiping at her eyes. "I'd better get back. Dr. Simon wants to start the transfusion of the stem cells this afternoon. It's almost over, Elliot. Now we just have to pray that her body doesn't reject them."

Elliot smiled at her use of the word "pray" after all of their arguments about religion over the years. "She's going to do great," he assured her. "Maureen was a perfect match, and after all, they _are_ sisters."

Olivia smiled weakly. "Yes, they are."


	13. Chapter 13

Interim

For the first time in weeks, Elliot went to bed feeling relaxed enough that he might fall asleep easily. Maureen was out of the hospital and tucked in the extra bed in Lizzie's room, having given in, with minimal eye rolling, to her parents request that she spend a day or two at home while she recuperated. August was finished with her chemo treatments and would be starting to receive the platelets that Maureen had donated very soon, if she hadn't already. Things were starting to return to normal. There was still the issue of Declan's outburst that afternoon, but Olivia had assured him that she'd make her husband call his doctor and get something to help him sleep. She'd been sure that was all he needed.

Kathy was reading in bed when he slipped in under the covers next to her. She smiled when he slid over to her side of the bed and took the book from her hand, reaching past her to place it on her nightstand. While he was there, he turned off the bedside lamp.

"Ready to go to sleep so soon?" She teased, giving him a quick kiss on the lips before turning her back to him to pretend to snuggle into her pillow. He gave a low, throaty chuckle and wrapped himself around her, spoon style, pressing up hard against her so she could feel his arousal.

"Why, Detective Stabler…" she gasped in mock surprise. "Is that your weapon?"

* * *

><p>They were just drifting off to sleep when Elliot heard a loud banging on their front door and a belligerent, drunken voice yelling "Stabler! Get your ass down here!"<p>

Eliot sprang out of bed, automatically reaching for the weapon safe next to the bed before remembering he no longer carried a gun. Kathy sat up and switched on the light on her side of the bed.

"Is that…Declan?" She asked incredulously.

"Sounds like it," muttered Elliot, picking up his sweats from the floor next to the bed and quickly pulling them on. He scowled as he hurried down the stairs, anxious to stop the commotion before all of the kids were awake. Too late—as he made his way across the living room in the dark, he heard Lizzie's voice in the hall asking: "Mom, what's going on?"

He threw the door open. "What the hell are you …?" He began, but before he could even finish his sentence, Declan had grabbed him by shoulder and yanked him out on the porch. Stunned, Elliot barely had time to react before the younger, taller man was in his face, yelling. Elliot could smell the whiskey on his breath.

"You are _not _going to take my family away from me." Declan shouted. It was as if no time at all had passed since their conversation earlier in the day. He drew his hand back to punch Elliot, but now wide awake, Elliot grabbed his wrist and spun him around in a well-practiced move so that Declan's face was pressed up against the side of the house, his arm twisted behind him at an angle that made it impossible to move without inflicting pain upon himself. He struggled anyway, swearing and kicking back at Elliot with his feet.

"Let me go!" He roared. Elliot twisted the arm up higher until, in self preservation, the younger man stopped moving.

"I'll let you go when you calm down," Elliot hissed into his ear. "What the hell is going on with you, Dec? Coming here in the middle of the night and waking up my kids? You're totally wasted."

They stood there for a moment, Declan breathing heavily and making small attempts to free himself, until Elliot finally felt the tension drain from his muscles.

"Please let me go," he repeated and this time, it sounded more like the Declan he knew. Elliot released his arm and took a step back, staying alert while waiting to see how he reacted.

Dec stayed leaning against the side of the house for a minute, taking deep breaths. When he finally turned to face him, Elliot could see tears streaking his face.

"You can't take my family," he said in a strangled voice. He had gone from anger to despair in a matter of minutes and Elliot wondered if he was having some kind of breakdown.

"El, is everything okay?" Kathy asked from the door. She held her robe closed tightly around her against the chill of the evening and looked from one man to the other. "Dec, what's wrong? Did something happen to August?"

At the mention of his daughter's name, Declan broke into anguished sobs. He turned away, his shoulders shaking. Kathy looked at Elliot in alarm.

"Why don't you go put some coffee on?" suggested Elliot, taking the now docile Declan by the arm and leading him inside. "I think he needs to sober up."

Half an hour later, Declan was sound asleep on the couch, snoring lightly. All Elliot had been able to get out of him was that he'd gone out for a few drinks after he left Olivia at the hospital that evening and more muttered accusations that Elliot couldn't have his daughter. Elliot tried to reassure him that he had no desire to break up his family, but Declan seemed too out of it to even grasp what he was saying.

"At least he didn't drive here," said Elliot, as Kathy brought a blanket downstairs and laid it carefully over their sleeping friend. "I have no idea where his car is, but he said a taxi dropped him off. Cabby must have thought it was his house."

"Are you going to call Liv?" Kathy asked, coming to stand next to her husband. He slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her close, resting his chin on top of her head.

"I guess I have to," he sighed. "She doesn't need this right now, but I don't know what the hell is going on with him, Kath. Even for someone drunk out of his mind, he's not making any sense."

"Dad? Is Uncle Dec okay?" Maureen was standing at the landing, looking apprehensive.

"He will be when he sobers up." Elliot told her, although he was far from sure of that. "Go back to bed, sweetie. We've got this covered."

"What happened?" Maureen asked in a low voice, coming into the room and peering over the back of the couch. "We could hear him yelling upstairs."

"I think all the stress got to him and he had a few too many drinks tonight," Elliot explained. "He'll be fine."

"Is he upset because of what he heard us talking about at the hospital today?" she asked, as persistent as always.

"I think he took it out of context, yeah." Elliot wished that for once, his stubborn daughter would just do what she was asked, but even as he thought it, he knew how unlikely it was. Maureen never backed down.

"Is that why he was yelling about you taking his family away?"

"Yes, but don't worry about it. He's upset and drunk and we'll get it straightened out when he's sober. Just go back to bed."

"Dad?" Lizzie came down the stairs and Elliot groaned. Wasn't this whole situation awkward enough without all of his children getting involved and seeing Declan, whom they loved and respected, in such an embarrassing state? "Your cell phone was ringing. I think it was Olivia."

Elliot took it from her outstretched hand and checked the screen: one missed call from Olivia Benson. He glanced at Kathy, his eyebrows raised. "I'll call her back," he told her. "See if you can persuade these two to go back to bed."

* * *

><p>He stepped into the kitchen and tapped Olivia's number to return her call. She answered immediately, her voice frantic and breathless.<p>

"El? I'm sorry to bother you so late but I didn't know who else to call. Mariclair just called to say that Dec never came home tonight. He left the hospital hours ago and he's not answering his cell phone. He's not at the station…"

"He's here," Elliot interrupted her. "He showed up an hour ago, totally wasted."

There was a moment of silence. "He's drunk?" Olivia finally asked, sounding stunned.

"He wasn't even making any sense, Liv, yelling about me not taking his family away from him. He's passed out on our couch. I was just about to call you."

Olivia sighed. "He's shouldn't be drinking at all right now. I made him go to the doctor this afternoon and he upped his dose of Nardil, the antidepressant he's taking. The doctor thought that would help his anxiety and he'd start sleeping better. I know he took the higher dose before he even left the hospital tonight, I saw him do it. He knows he's not supposed to drink when he's on that, I mean, an occasional glass of wine or beer is okay, but on top of a new dose…if he had more than a few drinks…he'd be a mess."

"He definitely had more than a few," Elliot told her. "What do you want me to do, Liv? How can I help?"

"Can you see that he gets home in the morning when he wakes up? I'll have Mariclair come up here early and I'll go home as soon as she gets here." She paused, and sighed. "I'll try to talk some sense into him."

"His car isn't here, so I'll drive him home when he's ready." Elliot promised. He hesitated. "Do you want me to…stay with him until you get there? I don't know if he should be alone."

Olivia thought about it for a minute. "Text me when you're leaving and I'll let you know. I'll do my best to be home. I don't want to leave August here alone though, El. She's so scared. She should start feeling better soon, now that the chemo is over, but she's afraid of every new person that comes in the room right now, afraid they're going to do something that hurts her. She needs her father to be here for her, not falling apart."

For the briefest of moments, when Elliot heard the words "her father" he thought Olivia was referring him and felt a fleeting sense of sadness when he realized she wasn't. Pushing that aside, he asked her: "Liv, does he really think I want to break up your family? What can I do to get that out of his head?"

Olivia gave a deep sigh. "I don't know, El, he's just not thinking straight right now. He's a mess. He's so afraid of losing August and you're an easier target to lash out at than the anemia."

Elliot could understand that concept. "I'll try to talk to him in the morning again."

"El…" Liv hesitated and then went on. "Thank you for helping. He's a good man; he's just going through a rough time."

"This isn't what you need right now, Liv," Elliot said, his voice low. "You should be focusing on August, not worrying about Declan."

Olivia didn't answer for a long moment, and when she did, her tone was icy. "Elliot, don't judge him. Not everyone reacts to problems in the same way. You punch things; Declan turns his anger inside on himself."

Elliot stiffened at her words but forced himself to stay calm and not overreact. He'd had his share of anger issues when he worked at SVU, but his life was different now. He took a deep breath before he answered. "I'm not judging him, Liv. I'm just worried about you and August. Do you want one of us to come up to the hospital so you can be home with Dec?"

"No, I'll stay tonight. I don't want her to wake up and not see me, she'd be upset." She paused, and her tone was softer when she continued. "But thank you for offering. And for everything, really. It's a big help."

Elliot wanted to add, "Of course I want to help, she's my daughter too." but he knew it would only make the situation worse. Because really, wasn't that always at the heart of the matter? August _was_ his daughter too and now that everyone knew, no one was ever going to forget it.


	14. Chapter 14

Outburst

Given Declan's unpredictable behavior, Elliot decided he should stay close by during the night in case he woke up disoriented. After reassuring Kathy and the girls and seeing them tucked safely tucked into bed, he took an extra blanket and settled into the recliner in the living room. He'd spent many hours in this chair in the weeks while he was recovering from being shot and soon drifted off, despite the chaos of the last few hours.

He woke in the early hours of dawn to the sounds of retching. Declan was bent over the plastic garbage can Kathy had thought to place next to the couch. It sounded like he was bringing up all of his internal organs, and wincing in sympathy, Elliot went to the kitchen for a glass of water and a wet cloth.

"Here, take this." he offered when Dec seemed to be finished. Declan accepted the water, took a sip, and promptly began heaving again. Elliot sighed and sat down in an armchair next to him, hoping the noise wasn't going to wake up the whole family. The last thing he needed was Eli down here asking questions about why Uncle Dec was sick.

This time when he was able to stop, Dec merely took a mouthful of water, swished it around in his mouth and spit it out into the receptacle. Elliot waited until he was finished and silently passed him the wet cloth. Dec took it and wiped his face and mouth and then slumped back onto the couch, the cloth pressed over his eyes. He groaned.

"You okay for a minute if I empty this?" Elliot asked, picking up the garbage can.

Declan nodded, wincing at the small movement. "I hope so."

When Elliot came back with the emptied and rinsed container, Dec was struggling to sit up again.

"How did I get _here_?" He asked, peering up at Elliot with bloodshot eyes.

"You don't remember?" Elliot asked. The younger man shook his head.

"You showed up here around midnight, banging on the door and yelling at the top of your lungs. "

Declan looked horrified. "I did?"

"Sure did, buddy." Elliot's tone softened a little when he saw how stricken he looked. "What's the last thing you _do _remember?"

Declan closed his eyes and leaned back against the cushions, thinking. "I left the hospital and was going to go home, but decided to stop for a drink."

"Even though you're not supposed to have alcohol with the meds you're on?" Elliot asked.

Declan opened his eyes and looked at him in wary surprise. "You know?"

Elliot nodded. "I talked to Olivia last night. She was worried when Mariclair called to say you never came home."

"I knew I shouldn't', but I thought I'd have just one and it would help me sleep. I was too wound up to go back to the apartment but Olivia made me leave the hospital. I guess I had more than one."

Elliot choked back a snort with only partial success. "I'd say so."

"Did I drive here?" Declan asked in alarm.

"No, you said a cab dropped you off. At least you had that much sense."

"So…what was I yelling about?" Dec asked cautiously after a minute.

"About how you weren't going to let me take your family away from you." Elliot said bluntly. "Woke up the whole house too."

Declan looked abashed. "I'm sorry, I don't remember any of it…" his voice trailed off.

"You know it's bullshit, right?" Elliot said. "I don't want to take August away or break up your family. You walked in on the end of a conversation between Maureen and me and you didn't get all of it. You're getting all pissed off over nothing."

There was silence while Declan struggled to find something to say in reply.

"I couldn't stop thinking about what I heard," he finally admitted. "It's one of the symptoms when I get depressed, I can't let go of things …"

"I was just trying to answer Maureen's questions." Elliot said gently. "This isn't an easy situation for her or any of them, Dec. We've had three years to get used to the idea, my kids have only had a few weeks. But nothing has changed. August belongs to you and Olivia. I care about her and what happens to her, but she's your daughter, in every sense of the word."

Declan sighed, and rubbed at forehead. He was obviously feeling the aftereffects of the night before.

"I heard you talking to Maureen about how I was legally Augusts' father and it just snowballed into thinking about how biologically, _you're_ her father. I've felt so helpless through all of this, Elliot. I can't do a damn thing to help her get through this but _you _were able to—one of _your_ kids was a match for her. _You're _saving her life. And then I started drinking and thinking about how you _slept_ with Olivia, you've slept withmy _wife_ and…I guess I just lost it and kept drinking more than I should have." Declan's voice had begun to rise as he relived his feelings of the night before and by the end, he was practically shouting. Elliot glanced at the stairs. The house had an open staircase and sound from the living room carried to the upstairs hall perfectly. It was 5:30 in the morning and just beginning to be light outside. Hopefully, after the late night events, everyone was still asleep.

"Keep your voice down," Elliot hissed. "That's the one detail my kids don't know and I don't ever want them to."

"Maybe they should." Declan said bitterly. "Everything else is out in the open, why not this too? Maybe they need to know their father isn't so perfect after all."

Elliot stared at him, his mouth agape. "What the hell are you talking about?" he asked heatedly, and then lowered his own voice. "You know why I slept with Olivia. It was the only way to get around the Church's beliefs."

"Really?" Declan scoffed, and it was clear from his tone that he'd spent a lot of time thinking about this. "It seems to me that's just splitting hairs, Stabler. I'm Catholic too, and I don't see how committing adultery is any better than going against the Church when it comes to artificial insemination. Just admit it; you always wanted to fuck Olivia and this was your excuse. It was your one chance to have it both ways; your hot partner _and_ your perfect family. I just don't understand how you conned Kathy into going along with it."

Stunned into silence, Elliot could only stare at the younger man, who was looking back at him defiantly.

"You're wrong," He finally said. His voice was low and it was all he could do to control his temper. He wanted to reach across and punch the arrogant look off his face. "You weren't around then Dec; you don't know how long I struggled with this. It seemed the only way it would work. She wasn't your wife then, she was alone and unhappy. She wanted a family. "

"And you're saying you didn't enjoy it?" Declan taunted, his face red with emotion and building rage. "You didn't enjoy fucking Olivia?"

As always, Elliot pushed the memories of that weekend out of his mind. "Shut the hell up," he hissed. "You're the fucking hypocrite here, O'Reilly. All this time you've been pretending to be fine with what happened, and instead you've been resenting both of us. No wonder you're crazy."

As soon as the words left his mouth, he wished he could snatch them back. Declan stiffened, and pushed himself up off the couch, wobbling as he rose to a stand. He began patting the pockets of his pants.

"What the hell did you do with my cell phone?" he snarled. "I need to call a cab and get the hell out of here."

"I never saw your cell phone," Elliot said tersely, his mind racing. He couldn't let Declan leave in this condition; Olivia would kill him. "Olivia said she tried calling you all night but you didn't answer. Maybe you lost it."

"Then I'll walk to a pay phone and call one," Declan snapped and started to head for the door. Two steps away, he paused and clapped a hand over his mouth. Turning away from the door, he headed down to the hall to downstairs bathroom. Even with the door closed, Elliot could hear him vomiting again. He sat down on the couch Declan had just vacated and put his head in his hands. _How in the hell did this get so messed up?_

"Well, that was interesting." Said a cold voice behind him. Elliot turned in horror to see his oldest son standing at the foot of the stairs. From the look on his face, it was obvious he had heard everything.

* * *

><p>Elliot drove back from Manhattan in a fog. His life was falling apart around him and he was powerless to stop it. He'd tried to talk to Dick but his son had yelled "I don't want to hear any more of your lies, Dad." and run back upstairs. By then Kathy was awake and Dec was out of the bathroom, thankfully silent but sullen. He'd accepted Elliot's offer of a ride home and went outside to wait after stiffly thanking Kathy for her hospitality and apologizing for the disruption.<p>

"What's going on?" Kathy asked Elliot when Declan had gone outside. "Why is Dick so upset? I passed him on the stairs and he wouldn't even look at me."

"Because he overheard Declan talking about how I slept with Olivia to get her pregnant." Elliot's face was tight with anger and concern. He knew Declan was struggling, but his actions were inexcusable. Hadn't his kids been dragged into this enough?

Kathy paled. "Oh no," she whispered.

"Oh no is right." Said Elliot flatly. "Now my son thinks I'm an adulterer in addition to be a liar. He wouldn't even let me explain."

"I'll talk to him," Kathy promised, but Elliot shook his head.

"I need to do it," he told her. "He—all of them—need to hear it from me. Let's finally get it all out into the open and it won't be hanging over our heads anymore."

"Do you want me to drive Dec home then?" she asked. Elliot thought about how Olivia's husband had been swinging from one mood to another so quickly and shook his head emphatically.

"No, I'd better do it. I don't want you alone with him like this. Just…keep Dick here until I get back. Don't let him leave when he's this upset. And call Kathleen—see if she can get over here. I might as well tell them all at the same time before they start talking to each other."

The ride back to Manhattan had been awkward and mostly silent. Elliot was too angry to talk to Declan, who was avoiding eye contact by staring out the window. He'd texted Olivia before he left the house and she'd responded that she was already on her way home, that Mariclair had arrived early to stay with August.

They were almost at the apartment when Declan finally spoke. He cleared his throat and turned to Elliot. He looked like hell, eyes bloodshot, and face pale. "I'm sorry, Stabler. I shouldn't have said those things and I sure as hell shouldn't have said them where your kids could hear them. I really screwed up."

"Yes, you did." Elliot said flatly. He wanted to lash out at the man sitting next to him, but he could see how much he was hurting and held his tongue. "You've got to pull yourself together, man. I'll deal with the fallout with my family, but Olivia and August, they _need _you right now. You can't fall apart. Do what you need to do so you can be there for them."

Declan nodded, looking down at his hands, which shook slightly. "I will. But I _am_ sorry. If there's anything I can do to help…."

Elliot looked at him, incredulous. _Help?_ There was no unringing of this bell.

"You can help by stepping up and taking care of your own family, and leave mine to me."

* * *

><p>Now, as he approached his own home in Queens, Elliot wondered how he was going to do just that. What had happened between him and Olivia had been private, a one-time things, never to be revisited or discussed. Now he was in the position of having to explain it to his children, who were still reeling and confused from finding out that August was their half-sister. He slammed his open palm against the steering wheel, welcoming the pain. <em>This wasn't supposed to happen.<em>


	15. Chapter 15

Release

The Stabler household was usually bustling with activity on a Saturday morning but when Elliot returned from dropping Declan off, it was as silent as a church. Hearing the door, Kathy came out of the kitchen looking tired and worried.

"Where are the kids?" asked Elliot. Walking over to him, she pulled him into a hug. He rested his chin on her forehead and sighed, appreciating the gesture and dreading the talk that lay ahead of them. What happened with Olivia was a thing of the past, something he seldom let enter his thoughts because it raised too many conflicting emotions. It was _not_ something he wanted to hash out with his children, but thanks to Declan, he now had to do it.

"They're all upstairs," Kathy said softly. "Eli's over at McCarthy's—I asked Jenny if he could stay for a few hours. "

Elliot nodded. It was bad enough that he had to open up to his older kids; explaining all of this to a 7 yr old was unthinkable.

"Elliot…" Kathy began, and then hesitated.

"What?" He didn't like the look of apprehension on her face. She pushed her long hair back from her face and tucked it behind one ear.

"I think Dick has already told the girls what he overhead. Kathleen got here a little while ago and they've all been in Lizzie's room ever since. I didn't realize it until a few minutes ago when I went up to get laundry and heard voices."

Elliot groaned. Dick was angry and he had undoubtedly shared what he'd heard in the most unflattering light possible. Everyone would be upset right off the bat and not in any mood to hear him out. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his wife's soft hair, asking himself for the thousandth time, _how did things get so screwed up? _

"It will be ok," Kathy said softly, cupping the back of his neck with a warm hand and stroking gently. "Once they hear our reasons why and that it was my idea in the first place, they'll understand. They'll come around."

"Do you really think so?" He asked with a bitter tone, pulling back to search her face. "Declan thinks the church stuff was just an excuse so I could screw my partner. What if the kids do too? They're never going to look at me the same way again. And how awkward are things going to be when they see Olivia now?"

Kathy shrugged and stroked his cheek. "Let's worry about that part later. Let's just sit them down and get it over with. The longer they talk to each other, the worse it will be." She kissed him gently and gave him a push toward the stairs. "I've got your back. Go get them." She said with a wry smile. "I've got your back." was their private joke for whenever they had to deal with difficult issues with the kids, a reminder that they were in it together, for better or worse.

Elliot walked slowly upstairs and tapped lightly on Lizzie's door. The soft hum of voices fell silent and after what seemed forever, Lizzie's soft voice called "Come in." He opened the door and looked at four grim faces. Dick was leaning up against his sister's desk, arms folded, his face set in a mask of cold indifference. The three girls were sitting on the twin beds, and he could see that Kathleen had been crying. He cleared his throat.

"Can you come downstairs so we can talk?" He asked, his voice sounding much more tentative than he had planned. He needed to show that he was the one in charge here; the parent with the answers that would set their minds at rest.

Dick snorted from his spot across the room. "What is there to talk about?" He asked derisively. His posture and demeanor made Elliot think of himself at that age, when it had finally dawned on him that his father wasn't always working overtime at the precinct; but out with other women while his mentally unbalanced wife sat at home worrying.

"A lot." Elliot said firmly. "Please come downstairs now, all of you." He stood back as his children filed past him, not one of them meeting his eyes.

In the living room, he took a seat next to Kathy on the couch while the kids spread out around the room. Dick chose to stand, arms still crossed defiantly. Lizzie, the peacemaker of the family, looked troubled and anxious. Maureen refused to meet his eyes and even Kathleen, the most dramatic of his children, was quiet.

As he began to talk, Kathy slipped her hand into his in a gesture of solidarity. He squeezed back and plunged in.

"When we told you about August, we let you believe that she had been conceived by artificial insemination." He began. Dick gave a short bark of a laugh. Elliot met his gaze, mentally willing his son to give him a chance but the boy looked away, shaking his head. "It was a lot more complicated than that. That was the original plan, but artificial insemination isn't accepted by the Catholic Church. It's considered unnatural, and a violation of God's law. "

"Isn't adultery also a violation of God's law?" Maureen asked in a cool tone. It was clear that she was not happy about what she was hearing.

"Yes, of course it is." Elliot replied. "I met with Father Mike and we discussed all of this. After talking to him, your mother and I decided that the only way to help Olivia was a compromise between the Church and what we were comfortable with, and that was to conceive the child, um…" he hesitated, trying to choose the right word and realized there wasn't one. "…naturally. Since we were both in agreement, we didn't consider it adultery."

"So you had an affair with Olivia." Said Kathleen flatly. "Dad, how could you do that to Mom?" She looked as though she would start crying again at any minute.

"And how could Olivia ask you to do that?" Lizzie added in a plaintive voice.

"It wasn't an affair…"Elliot began hotly, but Kathy laid a hand on his arm to quiet him. He took a deep breath and continued. "There was no affair. It was a one-time thing so Olivia could get pregnant. "

"You're expecting us to believe it happened just like that?" Maureen asked skeptically. "You slept with Olivia once and she was pregnant?"

Elliot looked at his wife. He was so uncomfortable discussing these details with his children. Sensing that he was one step away from abandoning the discussion and bolting from the room, Kathy spoke up for the first time.

"Your father spent one weekend with Olivia, the weekend we all went to visit Aunt Eileen a few years ago. " She said quietly but firmly. "It was my idea. Olivia never asked for any of it. I saw how unhappy she was and knew how much she wanted a child of her own and I talked your father into all of it. He didn't want to do it, but I persuaded him to help her. She didn't trust anyone else."

"Right," Dick laughed derisively. "You wanted your husband to sleep with another woman? Admit it, Mom, you're just covering for him." He looked at Elliot, his face full of scorn. "He had an affair with his partner and knocked her up and you guys cooked all of this up to cover for him."

Elliot felt like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"Dad wouldn't do that," said Lizzie hotly, looking at her brother with disgust.

"You're a naïve idiot," he retorted. "We always wondered about him and Olivia, well, now we know!"

Feeling like he was going to explode, Elliot rose to his feet. It was as if his worst nightmare was coming true and a scene from his own childhood was acting itself out in his own living room. He'd spent his entire life trying to be different man than his father, but in the end, the result was the same. His children despised him. He opened his mouth to speak and realized he didn't have the vaguest idea of what he should or could say to change their minds. Looking around the room at the faces of his family, all wearing expressions of distress, he realized he had caused all of this by not following his instincts to say no to the idea in the first place. He clenched his fists and turned to leave the room.

"Elliot, wait!" Kathy called, but he was gone, out the front door. He was still wearing the sweats and sneakers he'd thrown on to take Dec home, and dropping his jacket on the front porch, he broke into a run and headed down the street, feeling as if he didn't get rid of some of this bottled up emotion and frustration he would break apart into a million pieces.

* * *

><p>"Nice chat," said Dick to no one in particular and turned to head for the stairs to go back to his room.<p>

"Richard Stabler, get back here and sit down!" Kathy demanded. All of the kids looked at her in astonishment. Their mother was the calm parent who rarely raised her voice, in sharp contrast to their hot-headed father. Dick came back into the room and sat in the one remaining chair, looking at her warily.

"I know that all of this is not easy for you to hear, but you also have no idea how hard this has been for your father. This is exactly the reason why didn't want to help Olivia when I raised the idea in the first place, because he didn't want any of you to find out and see him differently." Kathy said in a stern tone of voice they'd never heard from her before. "He didn't want to do anything that would jeopardize our family." She looked around at their stricken faces and her voice softened.

"You know that your father and Grandpa Stabler didn't always get along, but there's a lot more to the story. " She continued. "Your grandfather—he drank a lot, and he wasn't faithful to your grandmother. He stayed away a lot and your father hated him for that. "

"He was always around when we were little," said Maureen in surprise. "Grumpy, but he was there."

"I'm talking about when your father was your age," explained Kathy. "After he retired from the police department, he and your grandmother worked things out, but your father never forgave him for what he put them both through. He left your father home alone to deal with everything while he was out cheating."

"Is that why Dad doesn't talk about his childhood much?" asked Lizzie, a thoughtful look on her face.

Kathy nodded. "It's always been important to him to be a better man than his own father was. When I suggested helping Olivia, he said no. I pushed him into doing it. So if you're going to be mad at someone, be mad at me."

"But Mom, how could you do it?" Maureen asked, coming to sit next to her mother on the couch. "Didn't it bother you that he was….with…someone else?"

Kathy looked at her oldest daughter with a sad smile. "Yes, it was hard; a lot harder than I thought it would be. But Olivia is my friend and I wanted her to be happy. Your father and I have so much," she continued, as she looked at each of them. "And Olivia's always been alone. She hasn't had an easy life and I wanted to help her. Your father is one of the few men in her life that she trusts so I talked him into helping her."

"It's not like you held a gun to his head and forced him," said Dick. His tone was less harsh than earlier, but still skeptical.

Kathy fixed him with a level gaze that made him squirm and look away. "I have no doubts that your father loves me and would do anything for our family." She told him. "No, I didn't hold a gun to his head but trust me, this wasn't his choice. Even now, it's difficult for him to accept."

She looked at the all again. "I know this has been a tough few weeks and I'm sorry. When we—I—first talked about all of this, your father's biggest concern was all of you. He didn't want anything to hurt our family. Now," she paused, and took a deep breath. "We need to pull together and show him it hasn't. Whatever you may feel about what we did, we did it out of love for a friend. It's ended up a lot messier than we expected, but families deal with a lot worse every day. Look at it this way, you gained a sister and not one of you ever had to change a diaper." She smiled, as if her own positive attitude could be rubbed off on them by default.

"Why didn't you tell us the truth in the first place?" asked Dick, still angry but less so than before. "You know what it was like to walk into a room and hear someone s talking about your father screwing his wife?"

"He didn't tell you," Kathy said levelly, fixing her gaze on her son. "Because he was afraid you'd have exactly the reaction you did. You judged him without knowing the whole story."

"It's going to be so weird so see Olivia now," mused Kathleen, who'd been surprisingly silent for much of the discussion. "To know that she and Dad…." She gave an involuntary shudder.

"Then don't think about that," said Kathy firmly. "Olivia would be devastated if she thought that helping her caused problems for our family. Think about August and how happy she's made everyone."

Maureen nodded slowly, as if working it all out in her mind. "She is a pretty cool little kid," she said, giving her mother a tentative smile.

"Then let's focus on that, and give your father a break. He's a good man and he deserves your respect, not your judgment.

* * *

><p>Elliot followed his usual route without thinking about where he was going, so desperate was his need to find an outlet for the emotions that were overwhelming him. After running the three miles to the park and around the duck pond, he slowed to a jog until he found an empty bench at the far end of the pond. He sank down onto the cold bench and put his head in his hands. His heart was racing from the exercise and from the fear that engulfed him. <em>I don't know what to do. <em> He stared blankly at the ground between his sneakered feet, littered with duck droppings and loose feathers. Eli loved to come to this park and feed the birds. It seemed impossible that they'd ever engage in such normal activities again. Even though Eli was too young to understand what was going on now, his older brother and sisters would eventually fill him in on their father's deceptions. By trying to help a friend, he'd destroyed his family.

He registered the sounds of a group walking down the path, but he maintained his posture, not wanting to make eye contact and have to acknowledge whoever it was. Friendly chitchat with a neighbor was out of the question right now.

"Dad?"

His head snapped up at the sound of his son's voice. All four of his older children were standing next to him on the bench looking contrite.

"How…how did you guys know where I was?" He stammered, not knowing what else to say.

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "Dad, you've been running the same route for years. Duh."

In spite of himself, he gave a short bark of a laugh.

"Dad, I'm sorry," said Dick, stepping a little closer. "I should have heard you out. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. That wasn't fair."

Elliot looked at him blankly. How had he—all of them—gone from anger to acceptance in such a short period of time?

"Mom talked to us after you left," said Maureen, sitting down next to him on the bench. The other girls followed her lead and squeezed in on either side of him so that their warm bodies surrounded him. "She explained some things about what Grandpa was like when you were a kid."

"I didn't want you guys to ever know about that." Elliot said slowly, wondering how much Kathy said and how it had turned their attitudes around. "He loved all of you and I didn't want anything to get in the way of that."

"You're nothing like him, Dad." Said Lizzie solemnly from his side. He smiled down at her and lifted his arm to put it around her shoulder and pull her close. Now that he was sitting, the cool breeze from the pond was chill. The warmth of his children's bodies reminded him of a long ago mornings when they'd all climb into bed with him and watch cartoons until Kathy called them down for breakfast.

"I'm more like him than I like to admit." Elliot told her and looked over at Dick. "But I love your mother and I'd never deliberately do anything that would jeopardize our family." His son's eyes held his and he nodded his understanding. "I'm sorry you heard what you did this morning, son. This whole situation has gotten so complicated."

"Why was Dec so angry, Dad?" asked Dick, coming to squeeze in at the end of the bench next to his twin and causing the girls to groan as they adjusted their positions to accommodate him. "Didn't he know all along?"

Elliot gave a mental sigh. These weren't details he wanted his children to know, but keeping secrets had caused enough damage. "Not at first," he admitted. "Olivia and Declan weren't seeing each other when—all of this happened—and she didn't tell him until August was about a year old. But he's always been okay with it. It's just—August being so sick has him under a lot of stress and he's not…handling it very well." He thought again about the younger man's mood swings and reminded himself to call Olivia later to see how things were going.

"Is he cracking up?" Lizzie asked and Elliot thought carefully before he responded.

"Just having a tough time, sweetie. He got drunk last night and let off some steam, but he'll be okay." He hoped it was true.

They sat together on the bench and he answered their questions as best he could. Talking about emotional topics wasn't his strong point, but there wasn't anything he wouldn't at least attempt for the sake of his kids.

"You sure keep life interesting, Dad." Said Kathleen when the questions had tapered off. "First you and Mom get separated, then you get back together, then you have another _baby_, then you get _shot_ and quit your job and now we find out we've got another sister. What's next?"

Elliot laughed, feeling almost light-headed at the way the situation had reversed itself in the matter of an hour. "No new drama, I promise," he told her. "But August isn't out of the woods yet. Thanks to Maureen," he said, reaching over to squeeze his oldest daughter's hand, "she should be just fine. She still needs our prayers though. And then we all need to figure out—together—how this is going to work now that you all know she's your sister. It will be awkward for awhile, but we'll get through it."

His children murmured their agreement. Elliot rose, feeling the stiffness in his muscles after how hard he had pushed himself earlier. "I hope you guys drove down here, because I don't think I'll make it back otherwise."


	16. Chapter 16

**Admit**

Olivia in her car in the parking lot of yet another hospital, leaning forward with her forehead resting against the top of the steering wheel. She didn't bother to wipe away the tears that were pouring down her face. The last few weeks had been difficult enough as she'd watched her daughter suffer, but today had almost brought her to her breaking point. She had just committed her husband to a psychiatric ward.

Okay, so not committed—he'd agreed to go, after talking to his doctor, who felt he needed a few days of inpatient care until he could be stabilized on his medication. The insomnia, erratic behavior, mood swings and rage of the past week were all indicative of a state of agitated depression, a term she'd never even heard before today. Left untreated, it could lead to more destructive and even suicidal behavior. Fortunately, Declan had been willing to sign himself in, realizing that he needed to get better so he could be there for his family. Part of her was relieved that she no longer had to worry about him, but on another level, she felt anger that he was leaving her at a time when she needed him most. How much more could she take?

She cried until she had no tears left, then sat up and searched for a tissue in her purse. Finding none, she searched between the car seats until she unearthed a napkin from a fast food restaurant. Tipping the rear view mirror at angle where she could see herself, she carefully dried her face and wiped away the streaks of mascara. It would upset August to see her looking like this. She'd been away from her daughter long enough. Mariclair had been with her most of the day and she'd be wondering where her mother was.

As she was about to put her car keys in the ignition to head to the hospital, her cell phone rang. Her first instinct was to ignore it as she'd been doing all day, but a quick glance at the screen showed that it was Elliot. He hadn't come up to the apartment when he'd dropped Declan off that morning after his night spent on their couch, and Dec had been deliberately vague about what had happened. Still, she'd gotten the impression that whatever had happened at the Stabler house had contributed to his willingness to agree to inpatient treatment. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what had taken place.

She took a deep breath and cleared her throat before answering. "Hey, El," she said, trying to sound as normal as possible and failing miserably.

"Where are you?" he asked. "I came by the hospital to talk to you, but Mariclair said you were with Dec. Is he okay?" She could hear the concern in his voice and knew she could be, _had_ to be, honest with him.

"I'm at Mount Sinai." She answered and into the silence that followed this statement she added: "Declan was just admitted for inpatient care."

"Oh, Liv, I'm sorry," said Elliot after a pause. "I knew he was going through a rough time, but I had no idea it was this bad."

"It isn't, not really," she continued, sounding more positive than she felt. "His doctor felt he needs time to adjust to the new dose of his meds and wants to keep him under observation until he's stabilized. He should be fine and home again in a few days."

"Do you want me to relieve Mariclair here at the hospital?" Elliot offered. "She said she's been here all day and she looks worse for the wear."

"I'm on my way back there now." Olivia told him.

"I'll send her home then. August is asleep, and even if she wakes up before you get here, I'm sure I can handle it."

"I'm sure you can." Olivia smiled into the phone, feeling as if some of the burden was being lifted from her shoulders. After the last few days, it was wonderful to have another adult to take on some responsibility. "I'll be there as soon as possible."

"No rush," Elliot told her. "Stop and get something to eat, relax for a few minutes. I'm sure you're exhausted."

"Thanks, El." She said softly. "I'll see you in a little while."

* * *

><p>After Mariclair left—somewhat reluctantly, as if she doubted that he could handle August—his own daughter!—if she woke up -Elliot stepped out into the hall to call Kathy and let her know he'd be there for awhile. Kathy had suggested he go right to the hospital after he'd tried calling Olivia several times during the day, only to have it go to voice mail each time. He'd agreed, wanting to know if Declan was okay and feeling a need to see August after the events of the day. He was incredibly relieved that his kids had accepted the information about Augusts' conception as well as they had in the end, but the whole affair had left his own head reeling with thoughts and feelings he needed to process. Now that everything, <em>everything<em> was out in the open, they had to find a way to make all of this work, a way to become one big, untraditional family without destroying the individual units.

Now he sat, once again, by her bedside as she slept. Her ratty stuffed dog was tucked under her arm and her thumb was pressed against her lips as if she'd wanted it readily available for comfort if needed. Was it his imagination, or was her color already improving? The nurse on duty told him that the infusion of Maureen's platelets had been started the night before and that there had been no complications so far.

He reached out to brush the dark hair away from her face, freezing as she stirred at his touch and then settled back into sleep. She looked so much like Olivia in most respects, with her dark hair and chocolate brown eyes, but he saw a resemblance to his own children and by default, himself in her as well.

His cell phone vibrated in his pocket. Pulling it out, he read a text from Olivia that she was going to stop for something to eat and did he want anything? He typed back "Just coffee" and smiled to himself as he put the phone away. It felt like the old days at SVU when they'd work long shifts and bring each other food.

A whimpering sound from the bed drew his attention and he saw August thrashing in her sleep as if she was having a bad dream. Afraid that she was going to pull out the tubes that ran into the port in her chest, he climbed carefully onto the bed and pulled her gently into his arms. She relaxed almost immediately, as if what she'd needed was some human contact. He cradled her small body against his chest and rocked her as he had his own children, his _other_ children, so many times over the years. A myriad of emotions washed over him. There was no denying that this child owned a piece of his heart.

* * *

><p>When Olivia arrived at the hospital an hour later, the sight that greeted her almost brought her to her knees. Elliot was curled up in the big hospital bed with August, both of them sound asleep. She tiptoed into the room and stood at the bedside, fighting back tears as she watched them. Elliot lay on his side, with August cradled in his arms, his chin resting on the top of her head. August was snuggled up close to his chest, looking more at peace than Olivia had seen her in days. Did the little girl somehow sense the bond between them?<p>

As if he sensed her watching him, Elliot's eyes blinked open. He checked on the child in his arms and then looked up at her. "Hey," he said softly. "She was restless so I just held her for awhile. I guess I nodded off too."

Olivia nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She was exhausted from the weeks of being at the hospital with August, from worrying about Declan and trying to be there for both of them. Exhaustion made her overly-emotional and the last thing she could afford to do was to break down.

Elliot carefully extricated himself from the sleeping child and crawled out of bed. He stretched, exposing a flash of flat stomach as his gray t-shirt lifted. He looked at her sheepishly, embarrassed to have been caught asleep on the job and in such a vulnerable position. "Did you get something to eat?"

Again, she nodded and inclined her head toward the door, indicating they should move out to the hall. She pointed to the carryout coffee cup she'd brought him and set on the bedside table. Elliot picked it up and followed her out to the chairs in the hall.

"Thank you," she said when they were outside. "I'm sure Mariclair appreciated being able to go home. I didn't think it would take so long to get Dec….admitted." It felt strange to say it out loud. Her husband had been admitted to a psychiatric ward and here she sat, with the biological father of her critically ill daughter. When had her life gotten so out of control?

"I don't think she was happy to leave her with me," Elliot chuckled softly. "I had to persuade her to go. She loves that little girl." He looked back through the window and Olivia could see his eyes soften as they passed over their daughter's sleeping form.

"I don't think she's the only one." She commented gently. Elliot looked at her in surprise and then nodded slowly, as her words had just brought him to the same realization.

"She looks better already," he said, not ready for this discussion. "She has more color in her cheeks."

"She does," Olivia agreed, smiling. "I checked in at the nurse's station and they said her vitals are good, she's responding well to the infusion. If all goes well, she can go home sometime this week."

"I'm sure that will be a big relie.," Elliot said. He pried the lid off his coffee and took a long sip, then looked at Olivia closely. "How are you doing, Liv? You look exhausted."

Her eyes welled with tears at the simple expression of concern. "I've been better." She said simply. "Getting August out of here would be wonderful. We need to get our lives back to normal."

"And Declan?" Elliot asked, looking down at the coffee in his hands. "Is he going to be ok? Is he going to be able to be there for you two?"

"I hope so," Olivia answered. "He feels terrible about letting us down when we need him most. It was a big step for him to agree to get this help." She looked at Elliot until he met her gaze. "What happened at your house, El? He wouldn't tell me, but whatever it was, it factored into his decision to be admitted. What the hell did he do?"

Elliot looked at her helplessly. He didn't want to add any more stress when she was already overburdened, but he knew Olivia well enough to realize that she wouldn't let it go until she had an answer.

"We…got in an argument." He said slowly. "He was pretty belligerent…and loud."

"An argument about what?" Olivia persisted.

Elliot met her eyes. "About how August was conceived. He accused me of using the Church as an excuse for sleeping with you."

Olivia looked confused. "But he's always said that didn't care about all of that…"

Elliot continued. "And Dick overheard him."

"Oh, Elliot, I'm so sorry," Olivia said, horrified. "I know you never wanted the kids to know that. How did he react?"

"Not well." He recounted his son's reaction and the family talked that followed. Olivia looked more and more upset as he talked and he did his best to minimize the situation.

"So, in the long run, it worked out okay," he concluded. "Everything is all out in the open; there are no more secrets to worry about."

She looked at him with a sad, doubtful expression. "Elliot, thank you for trying to put a positive spin on it, but I know how hard this must have been for you and I am so, so sorry. No wonder Declan was so upset with himself. He never should have brought it up at all, let alone where your kids could hear him. He's more messed up than I realized if he's obsessing about all of that. "

He shrugged. "Really, Liv, I feel better having it all out in the open. You're right, I never wanted the kids to know, but now that they do…it's okay. "

"It's going to be so damn awkward now." She mused as she thought about it. "It's been weird enough, now that they know you're Augusts' biological father, but now that they know…"

"I know," he agreed, shaking his head at the thought. "But I think the bigger issue is how are we going to handle all of this?"

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked. "All of what?"

He gestured toward August. "They know I'm her father. She's their sister. It…"he hesitated a minute and then went on. "…it brings us all together as a family in ways we never planned. We're all going to deal with that." He hesitated again and added: "Is Declan going to be okay with it?"

Olivia looked at him, her brown eyes looking tired and somehow lost. "I sure hope so," she said at last. She looked so sad that Elliot put an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. She rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "What did we do, El? It's all a mess."

"Not a mess." He assured her firmly. "Just—complicated. But nothing we can't handle, Liv. It will be okay, I promise."


	17. Chapter 17

Extended

Elliot knelt at the side of the tub and watched as his daughter happily scrubbed at her doll's face with a washcloth. "Got to get your ears clean, baby girl." She crooned in a perfect imitation of her mother. He chuckled, earning a suspicious glance.

"What's so funny?" August asked with a frown, pausing mid-swipe.

"Nothing, baby girl." Elliot assured her, scooping up some suds and tossing them at her. She giggled and ducked out of the way, then informed him in a stern tone: "I am not a _baby_, Daddy El."

"I know you're not," he sighed as he soaped up a second washcloth and began washing her. As always, he winced when he saw the scar on her chest from the port that had been inserted while she was undergoing chemotherapy the year before. As he gently wiped her with the soapy cloth, he reminded himself that the scar was a small price to pay for the beautiful, healthy child that sat before him now.

When she'd finally tired of the tub, he drained the water and helped her out, drying her off and holding her pajamas so that she could step into them. She leaned into him as he buttoned the top of her pink "Hello Kitty" pajamas, smelling of the bubble gum shampoo she loved. It had been a few years since he'd had a child young enough to help with a bath and especially since it didn't happen very often, he enjoyed every minute of it.

"When are Mommy and Daddy coming back?" She already knew the answer but liked to be reminded often.

"Two more sleeps," he told her, picking up a wide-toothed comb and turning her around so her back was toward him. He began to pick at the damp tangles of her long dark hair, careful not to pull and hurt her. She leaned against his legs and hummed softly, a tune that sounded familiar but he couldn't quite place. She was a happy child, outgoing and friendly, content wherever she was. He was constantly amazed at how well she had adjusted to the chaos of her life over the past year—and equally amazed at how good it felt to have her be a part of his life.

"They went away for their annabersy, right?"

"Yes, for their anniversary," he confirmed. Olivia and Declan were on a four day cruise to the Bahamas to celebrate five years of marriage, finally comfortable that August was really, truly healthy and that they could leave her for a short while. The transfusion of Maureen's stem cells had been a success. August had officially been labeled as in remission a month earlier.

He finished combing her hair and planted a kiss on the top of her head. "I think Kathy has a snack waiting for you downstairs," he told her. "I'm going to clean up in here and then I'll be down."

"I can watch TV with Eli before I go to bed?" she asked, wanting again to have what she already knew confirmed.

"Yes, for half an hour. Tell him you get to pick the channel." He watched, smiling as she scampered down the stairs, as comfortable here in the house in Queens as she was in the Manhattan apartment where she lived with her mother and Declan. It had been an interesting year as they'd all adjusted to the revised dynamics now that the Stabler children knew that August was their half-sister. While the adults debated how to handle the situation, the kids went ahead and started forging relationships on their own. Once August had been released from the hospital and her immune system was fully functioning again, Maureen and Kathleen had started dropping by the Manhattan apartment to visit her. Soon they were bringing the twins along and then Eli had wanted to be included as well. When Kathy and Elliot finally got up the courage to sit 7 yr old Eli down to try to explain the situation, it had been amazingly anticlimactic. "Cool," he'd said, a big smile on his face. "I'm not the youngest anymore!" August understood the basics—she had two fathers—Daddy and Daddy El. It was an unconventional arrangement, but it worked for all of them. Rather than try to fight it or make things more complicated, the four adults decided to go with the flow and follow the lead of the younger generation. It turned out to be a whole lot less stress than trying to keep the relationship a secret had been. Elliot knew there would be more complications in the future when August started school or when she was old enough to start asking questions, but for now, he was just sitting back and enjoying the ride.

He hung up the towels and dried the floor before heading downstairs. August was already ensconced on the couch, cuddled up next to Eli and sharing a plate of cheese and fruit while they watched cartoons. Kathy was curled up on the loveseat reading a book but sat up and moved over so Elliot could join her.

"It's nice having her here," he said quietly, nodding his head toward the pair on the couch. Kathy closed her book and slid over closer to him. He lifted his arm so she could snuggle under it.

"It is," she agreed, smiling as she watched them sharing their snack. Kathy was especially enjoying have a little girl around the house again to pamper. "But she'll be happy when her parents get back."

When the TV time had ended—grudgingly extended by Elliot for another thirty minutes after serious begging on the part of the two viewers—Elliot ushered the pair upstairs to brush their teeth before reading a story. At eight, Eli was a little old for the picture books that August favored, but he willingly gave up his usual chapter of Geronimo Stilton's detective adventures for something they'd both enjoy. August had fun going through Eli's book shelf and picking out some of his old favorites. Whenever she spent the night, she slept on a trundle bed in Eli's room. Now, the three of them squeezed onto Eli's bigger bed, got comfortable and followed their usual routine: Eli held the book, August turned the pages and Elliot read. "Where the Wild Things Are" was followed by "Bedtime for Frances". When August begged for "Just one more, Daddy El, you read good", he laughed and let her hand him "Little Miss Spider".

* * *

><p>He left them, tucked in their separate beds and talking softly, and went back downstairs to join Kathy. The twins were out for a movie and pizza with friends and wouldn't be home for another few hours. They'd decided earlier to take advantage of the opportunity and rent a movie that didn't involve action heroes or anything animated.<p>

"So, what are we watching?" He asked, accepting the cold beer that Kathy held out to him as he sat down on the couch beside her.

"The new Woody Allen," She told him as she nestled in close with her glass of wine in hand. "It just came out on DVD." He smiled and kissed the top of her head. On one of their first dates, they'd seen "Annie Hall" at a film festival at Queens College. Ever since, they'd made it a point to see all of Allen's film. These days it usually involved renting a DVD like this rather than going to a theatre but it was a tradition they both enjoyed. Elliot rarely understood what he was watching, but that didn't prevent him from enjoying some quality time with his wife.

An hour or so later, he was awakened by the sound of the twins coming noisily through the door. "What time is it?" Elliot groaned, twisting to look at his watch on the arm that was around a still sleeping Kathy. Evidently the movie, about an older man who takes in a runaway teen, had failed to hold the attention of either of them.

"Look at you two," Dick said, laughing and shaking his head. "You can't even stay awake for a whole movie."

"Was it any good?" Asked Lizzie as she picked up the case and examined it. She had a wider range of interests in movies than her brother, who wasn't interested in anything that wasn't action-adventure or slapstick comedy.

"Obviously not," Dick scoffed. "Or they wouldn't have fallen asleep."

"Is it over?" Kathy mumbled without opening her eyes. "Did I miss it?"

* * *

><p>After turning off all of the lights and checking the doors, Elliot headed, yawning, upstairs. He stopped at Eli's room and opened the door to check on his two youngest children. Both were sound asleep in their respective beds, Eli sprawled across his mattress and August curled up in the middle of her trundle bed. He stepped softly into the room and tucked the covers up over both of them, knowing that they'd kick them off again as soon as he left the room. Sitting carefully down on the foot of his son's bed so he didn't wake him, he looked at his two sleeping children. They were so similar in appearance; he wondered how it hadn't been glaringly obvious to everyone before. Both had the same dark, wavy hair, and although the color of their eyes was different—Eli's blue, Augusts the same chocolate brown as her mother's—the shape of their eyes and set of their chin was identical. The two had bonded immediately, long before they were aware of their true relationship. Toddler Eli had adored August from the minute she was born , hovering over her like the big brother he was. Elliot's heart was filled with love for both of them, and while the past year had been difficult, he wasn't sorry that all of their secrets had been forced out into the open. As hard as he'd tried to ignore the fact that August was his daughter, it had always eaten away at him to not be able to acknowledge her. It was so much better this way.<p>

As he left the room, he picked August's ratty "goggy"—faded, gray and lumpy- from where it had fallen on the floor and tucked it under her arm. She stirred briefly, snuggled up to the worn toy and was still again. Eli had insisted on giving his favorite stuffed animal to August when she was a baby and it was never far from her side.

He walked quietly through his dark bedroom to the bathroom, assuming that Kathy, who had come upstairs before him, would be sound asleep. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, taking a long look at himself in the mirror. He would be fifty in a few years, as the lines on his face and his receding hairline clearly showed, but here he was, the father of a kid in elementary school and one who hadn't even started school yet. It certainly wasn't how he had envisioned his life all those years ago when he and Kathy first met, but back then, he had no idea of the joy and pride that being a parent could bring. He smiled, thinking of August chiding him for calling her "baby" earlier. It seemed like babies in his life were going to be a constant thing.

He undressed, leaving his clothes in a heap at the side of the bed and slipped carefully in on his side, trying not to disturb his sleeping wife. To his surprise, she slid over to meet him, pressing her warm—and naked—body along the length of his.

"I thought you were asleep?" he whispered, sliding his hand down her back and over her behind to pull her even closer. They both felt the corresponding reaction in his body. Kathy laughed, and leaned up to kiss him, long and hard, tongue probing. He could taste toothpaste and a hint of the wine she'd been drinking earlier. Using his weight to roll her over on her back, he raised himself up one elbow to look down at her. The room was dark, illuminated only by the moon through the windows. Her blond hair looked silvery against the pillows. Reaching out one hand, he stroked the side of her face. In the magical moonlight, she looked exactly like the girl he'd fallen in love with so many years before. She grasped his hand and brought it around to her lips, pressing them against his palm. How was it possible, after so many years of marriage and the baggage that came with it,that this act never got old?

Impatient, she reached her hands down to his hips and pulled him on top of her. He didn't want to rush, wanted to savor the moment, but she had other ideas, and sliding her hand down between them, brought his hard length to where she wanted it. Despite her obvious need, he took his time entering her, making her groan in frustration and raise her hips up to hurry the process. She hadn't reminded him to use a condom, so she must have inserted her diaphragm before getting into bed…..

"Kath?" he paused, holding himself above her, his weight on his arms. She looked up at him expectantly, waiting for a profession of love, of lust, of an expressed desire, anything but what followed.

"Have you ever regretted that we didn't have more kids?"

Her explosion of laughter was immediate and intense. "What, six kids aren't enough for you, Elliot?" When she realized he wasn't joking, her face softened. "Oh, babe…really? Isn't it a little late to be asking this?"

"I guess you're right," he said. He watched her face closely as he began to move inside of her, first, long, slow strokes, then deeper and faster. She closed her eyes and raised her hips to meet him, her slim fingers stroking soft circles in the dark hair on his chest.

"Can we…" she gasped at a particularly deep thrust, "talk about this…later?"

"So," she asked, when they lay entwined together when they were finished, sweaty, sticky but sated. "Why the question about more kids? Are you sad about August going home on Sunday?"

"No," he said slowly, trying to put his thoughts into words. He stroked his hand along the length of her hair as she lay with her cheek against his chest. "I know she belongs with Olivia and Dec. But having her here reminds me of how special it's been with all of our kids. And makes me think how it might have been fun to have more."

She shook her head from side to side, spilling her hair across his chest. He picked up a strand and ran it though his fingers, loving the silky softness. Unlike most women her age, she'd never cut his hair, and he knew it was because she realized how much he loved it. "Fun for you, maybe. You were at work all day—and sometimes all night."

"I know," he sighed. "Just feeling nostalgic, I guess. August really will be the last." As much as Kathy's pregnancy with Eli had been a surprise—and a shock—to them both, the arrival of their last child had brought their troubled marriage to a new level. Eli's birth had cemented their family together in a way that neither had thought possible. And now the open admission of August to their family was raising them to even greater heights.

"The last little one, maybe," Kathy said softly, raising her face to meet his. "But look at all we've got ahead of us, Elliot. The twins are going off to college in another year. We've got a whole new round of sports and cub scouts and school dances to face with Eli and now, August. The girls will be getting married before we know it and we'll have grandchildren." Elliot groaned at the word, but his eyes smiled at the thought of Maureen and Kathleen as mothers. "We're going to be way too busy to have another baby."

"You're right," he admitted, kissing her softly. "But it doesn't mean we can't stop…practicing…right?"


	18. Chapter 18

A/N Many thanks to all of the readers who stuck with me through this long series: Kindred, Grenade and now Akin. When I first came up with the idea of this set of stories, I thought it would take forever to write it all, but it has flown by and I can't believe I'm at the end. I'm a little sad, but I've got a few other stories in mind for these characters, so stay tuned.

**Family**

_With you, my brown eyed girl_

_You, my brown eyed girl_

_Do you remember when_

_We used to sing_

_Sha la la la la la la la la l-la te da_

_Just like that_

_Sha la la la la la la la la l-la te da_

_La te da_

Brown Eyed Girl, Van Morrison, 1967

By Sunday evening, August was a bundle of excitement, racing to the window every time she heard a car on the street. Elliot had offered to bring her into Manhattan and meet them at the apartment, but Olivia and Declan insisted on coming out to Queens to get her. Kathy was preparing a dinner that would serve extra in case they had time to stay and give August a little transition time. Maureen and Kathleen were already here, having come early to spend the afternoon with their sister. A few hours at the park hadn't tired the little girl out and Kathy thought her parents, weary from traveling, would appreciate how quickly their daughter would fall asleep once they got her home.

They were just sitting down to the meal when a car pulled in the driveway. Laughing at the timing, Kathy put the covers back on the dishes as August, followed by Eli and the twins, ran to the front door to let them in.

"Mommy! Daddy!" August shrieked as she saw that it really was Olivia and Declan. Elizabeth put a hand on her shoulder to hold her back until the car's engine was off and the pair was climbing out, then let go to let her run to join them. Everyone laughed as she ran between them both, not sure who she wanted to hug first. She finally settled on Declan, who scooped her up in his strong arms, then bent her over so she could give her mother a kiss.

"I missed-ed you!" she chirped in her sweet, high voice, looking happily from one parent to the other. "But I had fun too." Then, spotting the bulging cloth bag in Olivia's hand, she asked excitedly "Did you bring presents?"

"Yes, we brought presents," Olivia laughed. She looked sun kissed, happy, and more relaxed than Elliot, who was now watching from the front door with Kathy, had seen her in a long time. It had been a tough year for her. Declan's inpatient treatment for depression had lasted three weeks, so he wasn't at home to help when August was finally released from the hospital. Fortunately, once he was stabilized on new medication, he had returned to his old self, steady, reliable and loving, with no more angry outbursts.

It had taken Olivia a long time to stop hovering over August and accept that the bone marrow transplant had worked and her daughter was going to be well again. She finally, reluctantly returned to work after three months when Mariclair gave her an ultimatum—to trust her to care for August again or she'd find a new position.

There had been many awkward conversations among the adults as they worked out ground rules for their extended family. Elliot had been wary of Declan's reaction, given his remarks and outburst when August was in the hospital, but Declan had dealt with his feelings and moved on. Like Olivia, he was so relieved to have August well again that he didn't care who knew the truth about who had fathered her. In the end, the simplest thing to do was follow the kids' lead and just _be_ a family.

As the unruly group approached the front door, August back on the ground and dancing around her parents, Eli almost as excited as she was to see what gifts Olivia had in her bag, Elliot stepped forward to shake Dec's hand and give Olivia a hug.

"You look like you had a good time," he smiled. Declan put his arm around Olivia's shoulders and squeezed.

"We did," he admitted, "it was great to get away." He looked around for August, who was trying to tug the bag out of her mother's hand. "But we missed the munchkin. I hope she didn't give you any trouble."

"Not at all," Kathy said. "We loved having her here. But she missed you too. She's been looking out the windows all day for you."

* * *

><p>Dinner was a noisy affair as the vacationers tried to relay details about their trip in between August and Eli's accounts of all they had done over the weekend. The older girls were full of questions, as they were hoping to save enough money to go on a cruise of their own in the future. Elliot, not happy with the idea of his two daughters alone so far from home, kept his scowl to a minimum and his thoughts to himself.<p>

As Olivia and Declan recounted the details of their long weekend, their accommodations and the beautiful beaches, Elliot thought about how long it had been since he and Kathy had gone away together without kids. They spent a week or two every summer as a family at his mother's old place at the beach, but other than a weekend in the Catskills when Eli was a baby and Olivia had stayed with the kids, they hadn't been anywhere but out to dinner or a movie. A cruise was his idea of hell on earth, but maybe it was time for just the two of them to get away. Looking at how happy Olivia looked, he decided that his wife deserved some of the same treatment. It had been a trying year for her too.

"El?" His thought process was abruptly interrupted when he realized that most of the table was looking at him expectantly.

"Sorry, I was….what?" He stammered. His wife was looking at him with amusement.

"I asked if you'd heard anything from Munch." Olivia repeated, shaking her head at his confusion. "I got a text from him on the way back from the airport, something about Cragen's birthday next week."

Even though they no longer worked for Special Victims, the former team members got together periodically to catch up. Cragen and Munch were both retired, Fin was back in Narcotics and Olivia in Computer Crimes, but the years of working those heartbreaking cases together would bind them together for life.

"Oh, yeah," said Elliot sheepishly. "He called yesterday. I was going to fill you in before you left." In reality, he had forgotten all about John's call, but he wasn't about to admit that. By the knowing look that his wife and ex-partner exchanged, it appeared that they had figured that out on their own.

* * *

><p>After dinner had been enjoyed and presents distributed (in that order, much to the dismay of the younger set), Elliot headed upstairs to get Augusts' bag and check one last time for left-behind items. Olivia offered to help clear the table, but Kathy gently rejected her help, mindful of her of her long day of traveling and the drive back to Manhattan ahead of them.<p>

"Besides, the twins want to do it, right?" She laughed, turning to look at her middle children. Dick gave a mock groan of protest, but began to help Lizzie clear the table. The older girls were already in the kitchen, loading the dishwasher. Olivia marveled at the way the family worked as a unit, all pitching in to get the job done. They grumbled, but did it and had fun at the same time. Growing up as an only child with a mother who was passed out more often than not at dinnertime, Olivia had no memories like this. Most of her meals had been warmed up frozen or canned meals on dishes she washed by herself as her mother snored on the sofa. It made her happy to know that August, destined to be another only child, was exposed to this, both here and when they spent time with Declan's large family.

"Thank you for everything," Olivia said softly, stepping forward to give her a hug. The two women embraced for a moment. In the past few years, they had gone from awkward tension to close friends. It was a relationship they both cherished, and as awkward as it had been for Elliot in the beginning, one that he now appreciated. He often joked that it was easier to have the two most important women in his life getting along—as long as they weren't ganging up on him.

"If you've got everything covered here, I'll go upstairs and give El a hand." Declan had gone out in the backyard with the kids, so August could demonstrate the trick Eli had taught her to do on his scooter.

"Go ahead," urged Kathy, as she picked a serving dish off the table and headed toward the kitchen. "If you trust it to him, half of her clothes will be left here, along with Goggy."

* * *

><p>Olivia found Elliot sitting on the edge of Eli's bed with a pile of picture books in his hand. He looked up when he saw her.<p>

"I was just going through some of the things we read this weekend; I thought I'd send a few home with her, if that's okay." Olivia caught a hint of husky emotion in his voice and sat down next to him on the bed.

"Are you alright?" she asked gently. He nodded and spread the books out on his lap. "Pick two," he said, his voice sounding tight. Olivia looked through the selection and picked out two that they didn't have at home. Elliot took them from her hand and slid them into Augusts' weekend bag at his feet, bright pink and covered with "Hello Kitty" images.

"It was great having her here," he said, finally turning to face Olivia. "I hope we can do it again soon."

Olivia nodded slowly. "I think we can work that out." She smiled. "It was really nice to get away with Dec; we needed it more than we realized. It's been a rough year." She gave a soft laugh at the understatement. Having a child diagnosed with aplastic anemia and a husband simultaneously suffering a depressive incident severe enough to require hospitalization would more properly be catalogued as a crisis.

Elliot put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close in a rough hug. "It has been a hell of a year. If we'd had any idea how it would all turn out…"

"I wouldn't have changed a thing." Olivia said firmly. She turned to look at him, searching his face. "Would you?"

Elliot looked into her chocolate brown eyes as she waited for an answer. He thought of the course of events that had led them to this point in time; the agonizing decision to help Olivia get pregnant, the emotional pull he'd felt at giving up rights to his own child (that kept him so distracted he'd been shot in the line of duty), the deception involved in keeping it from Declan and his children, his anxiety when she'd been diagnosed and the secret had come out. The upheaval had taken him to emotional places he never wanted to revisit; his paralyzing fear and depression after the shooting and the comparisons to his philandering father that filled his mind after his children found out about August.

Through the open bedroom window he could hear the sounds of Eli and August chasing each other through the yard as Declan called after them. Their voices were like music, happy and upbeat. In the end, that was what was important, wasn't it? The kids were happy. Olivia and Declan were happy. The Stabler family was intact and stronger than ever. They'd all been through hell and back but in the end, all that mattered was their beautiful brown-eyed daughter having fun outside.

"No," he said, giving her his best smile, the one that lit his blue eyes from within and used to, not so many years ago, take her breath away. "I wouldn't change a thing."


End file.
